Sleep Talking: My Turn

ThePhan: Last night, in his sleep, Jacob said, "What about my turn?"
ThePhan: Me: "Huh?"
Goosey: LOL!
ThePhan: Him: (With a different inflection) "What about my TURN?"
ThePhan: Me: "Um."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Him: (With a third inflection) "What about MY turn?" (And then, in an extremely pouty mumble...) "Because THEY'RE done."
ThePhan: I have no idea what he was dreaming about. Apparently everybody else was done with their turn but wouldn't let him take his. Which is indeed sad.
Goosey: aww hehehe

Literally Unhinged

Sam: WoW comments board:
Sam: "The Kirin Tor are now on our side too with a leader who has become, literally unhinged and is a ridiculously powerful magus in her own right!"
Sam: She's LITERALLY unhinged!
Sam: Come to think of it, so am I!
Goosey: LOL
Maryam: I don't know, aren't elbows and knees hinges?
Sam: Oh. Maybe you're right.
* Sam is literally hinged.
Goosey: hehe
iwpg: So does that mean the Kirin Tor leader literally lost her joints somehow?
Maryam: That's really kind of a scary thought, the idea of your body suddenly falling all to pieces.
iwpg: I was thinking more of her arms and legs fusing solid.
Goosey: I saw a movie like that once. It was creepy
Maryam: That's also a scary thought.
Maryam: When I hear the expression "unhinged" I think of the hinge just sort of falling apart.

Sleep Talking: Shoving Off the Bed

ThePhan: So, last night, as I was falling asleep, Jacob suddenly says, "I'm going to shove you off the bed."
ThePhan: I said, "What? Why?"
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Him: "Well, you were going to do it to me, so I'll do it to you FIRST!"
Goosey: bahaha
ThePhan: Fortunately, he was asleep during all this and did not try to shove me off of our bed. Heh.

Civilization Revolution

Nyperold: So, I was playing Civilization Revolution the other day, as the Americans.
Nyperold: The first capital I took was the Arab capital, accessible by ship.
Nyperold: Next came the Aztec capital, defeated from a nearby hill.
Nyperold: Then I realized I should've done that the other way around.
Nyperold: From the hills of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli.

Sleep Talking: Jesus Will Find It

ThePhan: But I do have an awesome sleeptalking story for you all.
Goosey: Yay!
ThePhan: Jacob had just gone to bed like an hour earlier, when he suddenly said, "It's a super duper place."
ThePhan: Me: "Hmm?"
ThePhan: Him: "But it doesn't sound very cool."
ThePhan: Me: "I have no idea what you're talking about, hon."
ThePhan: Him: "It's okay. Jesus will find it."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: So that's a relief. At least Jesus will find it.
Maryam: LOL

WHO PAY!

Ticia: Don is taking all the kids to work with him. PARTY TIME
ThePhan: WHO PAY!
ThePhan: Hey.
Ticia: Who?
Goosey: "who pay"?
ThePhan: Um.
Goosey: "Whoopee"?
Ticia: The role of LaZorra will be played by ThePhan today.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Ok, so if I turn my phone screen sideways so I can read stuff without scrolling, it doesn't let me see or correct what autocorrect puts in
Goosey: hahaha oops
ThePhan: I thought I'd at least be able to look at it before it sends, but nope.
Ticia: Haha
ThePhan: This leads to some very confusing sentences.
ThePhan: Antigua that one turned out all right.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: *Although
Ticia: HAH

Persona Pizza

TalkingDog: The pizza was for me anyway. Was gonna get a persona pizza, but there was a Monday deal thingy.
TalkingDog: *personal
TalkingDog: I don't know what a persona pizza would be. Pizza with pepperoni arranged in the shape of different characters?
Maryam: "This pizza has the persona of Christopher Walken's character in Pulp Fiction! Mm-mm, delicious!"

Bubbling Brownies

Sentynel: I just checked on my brownies in the oven. They were bubbling. I'M PRETTY SURE THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT
Goosey: LOL LOL
ThePhan: SENTYNEL YOU ARE MAKING THAT COOKIE MY SISTER MADE
ThePhan: http://rinkquotes.blogspot.com/2010/05/cookie-adventure.html
Sentynel: The weird thing is I made this exact recipe two weeks ago with exactly no bubbly shenanigans.
.
.
.
Sentynel: Brownies update: now positively frothing.
Sentynel: I am quite concerned.
Maryam: That is strange.
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: I have no idea what that means.
Goosey: Pic?
Sentynel: Let me see if it's still doing it, hold on.
Sentynel: http://i.imgur.com/nJLJotA.jpg
Sentynel: ??
Goosey: LOL LOL what did you DO?
Sentynel: I HAVE NO IDEA
ThePhan: LOL LOL LOL
ThePhan: WHAT
Maryam: Dude.
Maryam: You weren't kidding when you said frothing.
Sentynel: Nope.
Sentynel: I'm gonna let it cool down a while and then risk trying to eat some.
Sentynel: I don't understand how the recipe worked so perfectly last time, and produced.. this.. this time.
Goosey: LOL
iwpg has entered.
iwpg: Sent: O.o
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.
Sentynel: Brownie update: It actually tastes fine.
Maryam: LOL, that's good.
Sentynel: I'm just going to casually not mention the whole frothing thing to other people who want to eat any.
Maryam: Are they vegan? Maybe you accidentally summoned the devil into it while you were cooking.
Sentynel: LOL
Sentynel: So *that's* why brownies taste so good.

The Wurst

Maryam: Loss of momentum is the worst.
Maryam: Too bad it's not the wurst. Then at least you'd have something toe at.
Maryam: *to eat
Maryam: My typo made legitimate words.
Goosey: hehee
Goosey: I do not want to toe at any wurst, thanks.
Maryam: How do you know? Maybe squishing your toes in some wurst in the finest feeling in the world. You haven't tried it!
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Maryam: Group activity at the next RU?
Maryam: Phan: It's a plan.

Echidna Enchiladas

Ticia: Spicy enchilada = drained sinuses. Woo!
Ticia: Haha
Ticia: I'm sure you all wanted to know that.
Maryam: LOL
Maryam: :-.
Ticia: Oh, well, at least I don't overshare on facebook. Only rinkchat.
iwpg: I repeatedly read that as "spiny".
iwpg: Maybe I was thinking of echidnas or something.
Ticia: hehe
ThePhan: Echidna enchilada is like a tongue twister for the eyes. I keep looking at it and my brain tells me it's just the same word twice.
Ticia: That would probably not be a very yummy enchilada.
Ticia: Or a good way to clear your sinuses. Ouch

Sleep Talking: Naked Dolls

ThePhan: So last night, Jacob suddenly says, "There are a bunch of naked dolls in our room."
ThePhan: Me: "...There are?"
ThePhan: Jacob: "Yeah. But I love you."
ThePhan: Me: "That's good."
Goosey: eeeek lol
ThePhan: Jacob: "No matter how many naked dolls are in our room."
Goosey: LOL!
ThePhan: Me: "I'm glad to hear it. I always worry your love for me will rise and fall based on the number of naked dolls in our room."
ThePhan: Jacob: (too asleep to comprehend this complicated statement) "Um..... yes."
ThePhan: And then he went back to sleep.
ThePhan: I thought *maybe* he was awake for this, because it very much follows his waking speech patterns. But, nope, he doesn't remember any of that.
Goosey: Hahahaha
ThePhan: I thought he was perhaps waking up from a dream. Like when he told me there was a hawk on the ceiling.
ThePhan: Or a flying spider on my back.
Goosey: LOL

Sleep Talking: Mini Versions of Me

ThePhan: Also, I partly came in here solely to share late night's sleep talking story.
Maryam: Share!
ThePhan: So like an hour after we went to bed, Jacob suddenly goes, "So I keep seeing all these little mini versions of you. Just doing normal things. Being my wife. I don't know what to do about that."
ThePhan: I said, "Um. I don't either?"
ThePhan: He continues, "I'm legitimately awake right now. Two plus two is four."
ThePhan: I said, "OK?"
ThePhan: He said, "Kids are dumb."
ThePhan: Me: "...What brought that on?"
ThePhan: Him: "I don't know. But it's true."
ThePhan: Me: "OK."
ThePhan: He says he vaguely remembers trying to convince me he was awake, but not the rest of it.
TalkingDog: hehe
ThePhan: I think he was floating in and out of coherence.
ThePhan: It was awesome.

Drawing a Loud Breath

ThePhan: OH MY GOSH QUEST FOR SKYE WHY ARE YOU SO AWFUL
Maryam: LOL
Goosey: LOL
TalkingDog: That sounds bad.
Maryam: I can't wait for this post now.
ThePhan: Morgan takes Skye back to her parents and compliments them on how awesome she is, and this happens:
ThePhan: The doctor drew a loud breath. “You don’t know just how special she is.”
ThePhan: "Drew a loud breath"?
ThePhan: A gasp?
Maryam: Er. Uh.
ThePhan: A sigh?
ThePhan: NEITHER ONE MAKES SENSE
ThePhan: AND WHY IS HE DRAWING LOUD BREATHS WHEN HE IS HOLDING HIS SLEEPING DAUGHTER IN HIS ARMS?
TalkingDog: Were they playing abstract Pictionary?
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: TD: LOL LOL
ThePhan: LOL, the sentence after that one: "Morgan thought about that for a few seconds as Malinda retrieved her daughter from her husband’s arms."
ThePhan: He's probably trying to figure out why the doctor was gasping.
Maryam: My guess is it's one of those breaths you draw when you're about to say something unpleasant.
ThePhan: Maybe. I wonder if there's about to be a secret revealed.
Maryam: Like that she's terminally ill or something.
ThePhan: Maybe.
ThePhan: Maybe it's meant to be foreshadowing and is just awful.
ThePhan: Because they don't mention anything more about it on the next page.
.
.
.
ThePhan: "Morgan cast a look in the direction of Skye’s room. There were no sounds. He was glad for a few minutes alone with the physician."
ThePhan: If this was a bad fanfic, that would be the cue for a sex scene.
Maryam: LOL
ThePhan: However, I am quite sure there will be no sex in this book, nor male-male love, so all we are left with is that Morgan wants to be alone with the physician FOR NO REASON AT ALL THAT HE STATES.
wintermute: Maybe he has a burning sensation when he pees, and it would be embarrassing to ask about it in front of the rest of the family.
ThePhan: LOL LOL
ThePhan: This is going to be a really good chapter, guys.
ThePhan: None of it makes any sense.

South Carolina Weather

ThePhan: As much as I didn't like the dinky town I was in, I really enjoyed the climate of South Carolina.
ThePhan: Generally very nice - neither too warm nor too high.
ThePhan: Too high?
ThePhan: I was going to say too hot, but even that doesn't make sense.
ThePhan: I'M TRYING TO SAY THE WEATHER WAS NICE
Goosey: Phan: you are TOO HIGH
ThePhan: LOL LOL LOL

3000 Miles Too Far

Sentynel: Dave: Dude, there's an American guy who started at work recently who looks just like you. Did you accidentally move to old England rather than New England?
Goosey: LOL
Dave: Sentynel: Oh crap, I THOUGHT the Indian food was far better than I remembered. Also that everybody talked kind of funny.
Dave: I went 3000 miles too far!
Dave: My car is awesome like that.
Dave: I hope nobody minds I forgot to get a work Visa.
Goosey: 3,000 too far, and over an ocean! Best car ever!
Goosey: Just sell Chitty Chitty Bang Bang there and retire.

Che Guevara Tattoo

ThePhan: So last night Jacob couldn't sleep, so he got up in the middle of the night and went out and watched some TV.
ThePhan: When he came back to bed, I was mostly asleep, but I opened my eyes when he came back in the room.
ThePhan: He was wearing the same Heath Ledger Joker T-shirt he was wearing when he left the room, but in my not-really-awake-at-all state, I thought he wasn't wearing a shirt at all but had a giant Che Guevara tattoo on his chest.
ThePhan: I remember thinking vaguely, "When did he get that done? Is that why he left? I'm not sure I'm OK with that," and then promptly going right back to sleep.
ThePhan: That's what happens when I'm not awake enough to respond to the world around me. Heh.

Sleep Talking: The Thing With the Lightsabers

ThePhan: So last night, Jacob muttered something I couldn't understand.
ThePhan: I said, "What are you talking about?"
ThePhan: He said, "The... the thing with the lightsabers."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: I figured he was asleep and headed back to sleep.
ThePhan: Suddenly he says, "What was I just talking about?"
ThePhan: Me: "I don't know. Lightsabers."
Goosey: hahaha
ThePhan: Him: "Ugggh. You shouldn't let me say things when I'm asleep."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Me: "...It was fine. It was funny."
ThePhan: Him: "There's probably some continuity there, though, with the lightsabers."
ThePhan: Me: "...What?"
ThePhan: Him: (Asleep for real again)
ThePhan: He remembers the second half of the conversation, but he's not sure why he was so upset by it.
ThePhan: Heh.
Goosey: lol
Goosey: That's awesome.
ThePhan: But apparently it's my responsibility to keep him from sleep talking.
Goosey: Duct tape?
ThePhan: LOL

The Flying Car

TalkingDog: I didn't understand a lot of Grease for a long time. I just liked the songs.
TalkingDog: Now I don't like the songs.
Goosey: lol
ThePhan: Haha
ThePhan: I still like the songs, but I think the story is pretty awful.
ThePhan: Least romantic ending EVER.
Goosey: LOL yeah
Goosey: SHE had to do all the changing, ultimately.
TalkingDog: Then they somehow fly the car to OUTER SPACE AND SUFFOCATE. Works for me.
Goosey: LOL LOL
Goosey: RIGHT
Goosey: WHAT IS UP WITH THE FLYING CAR
TalkingDog: Where they're going, they don't need roads.
Goosey: LOL
TalkingDog: Every single thing ever should cross over with Back to the Future at some point.
Goosey: hahaha yes
* TalkingDog pictures Christopher Lloyd in Braveheart, looking at William Wallace, and he starts to say his line, but he stops, looks at the camera, and shakes his head.
Goosey: LOL LOL
ThePhan: LOL

The Right Amount of Clouds

* ThePhan writes this weeks' Quest for Skye blog.
* Nyperold looks forward to it.
wintermute: Spoiler alert: It's off the west coast of Scotland.
ThePhan: Here is a teaser: the chapter's opening sentence is "The lowering sun and the right amount of clouds hinted a spectacular sunset."
ThePhan: THIS GUY SHOULD NOT BE WRITING
wintermute: If the sun is lowering, that is a good sign there will be a sunset soon.
Nyperold: Ah, but will it be spectacular?
ThePhan: Apparently that depends on having the right amount of clouds.
Nyperold: The right amount of clouds seems to be key.
ThePhan: I'm leaving it up to my blog readers to guess how many clouds are "the right amount."
wintermute: If there are too many clouds, you can't see the sunset. So that would be the wrong amount.
Nyperold: Or you could have fewer clouds, but they're all massive.

Hulk Hands

(Talking about being stressed.)

* TalkingDog punches the stress using Hulk Hands.
Goosey: LOL
TalkingDog: I really want Hulk Hands now.
Randy: hehe
* ThePhan punches the Hulk using Stress Hands.
Goosey: LOL
* Nyperold punches the hands using Hulk Stress.
Goosey: Hahaha
Nyperold: "Don't make me stressed. You wouldn't like me when I'm stressed."
Goosey: You are all sillies and I love you.
* ThePhan hands Hulk punch using stress.
TalkingDog: mmmm, punch

Bununs

LaZorra: What an unexpected bonuns, heh.
LaZorra: er
LaZorra: bununs
ThePhan: BONUNS
ThePhan: Bun nuns?
LaZorra: ...I just typed an entire long-ass story without a single notable typo.
ThePhan: LOL
LaZorra: And I can't comment on yours without mkaing one.
LaZorra: BOW NUNS
LaZorra: DEFENDERS OF THE FAITH
Nyperold: NUNS WITH BUNS
Nyperold: The hairstyle, that is.
LaZorra: WRAPPERS OF MIGHTY CHRISTMAS PACKAGES
ThePhan: I feel like "Bun Nuns" is the name of an aerobics program by nuns. "NUNS WITH BUNS! Let's work on yours!"
LaZorra: LOL LOL
LaZorra: Now you know what happens during Catholic school phys ed.
ThePhan: LOL

The Hawk on the Ceiling

ThePhan: Ha, so. Sleep story from last night.
Goosey: Yay sleep story!
ThePhan: Apparently Jacob does this thing where he dreams about something, half-wakes up, and thinks he sees it in the room.
ThePhan: Anyway, he woke me up last night and said, "Um. OK. OK, there might be a hawk on the ceiling."
ThePhan: I said, "What?"
Ticia: LOL
ThePhan: He responded, "Well, I might have dreamed it. But I swear there was a hawk up there. And I can't find the light."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: I said, "Well, I don't see a hawk on the ceiling." (I couldn't see anything because it was dark, but I figured if he was mostly asleep he wouldn't work out that logic.)
ThePhan: So he said, "OK. Sorry I woke you up," and went back to sleep.
Goosey: LOL
Ticia: haha, that is awesome.
ThePhan: This morning, he said, "Sorry about last night. I dreamed there was a giant lizard by the door."
ThePhan: And I said, "...You weren't talking about a lizard."
ThePhan: So I explained about the hawk and he said, "OH YEAH! I dreamed about BOTH, but I was pretty sure the hawk was a dream, and I thought that the lizard might be real."
Maryam: LOL!
Goosey: hahahahaha
Sentynel: That's the best logic ever.
ThePhan: Sharing a bed with him forever is going to yield so many fun stories. LOL.

Enjoy Wireless Where?

Sentynel: £70 for a simple laser printer.
Sentynel: That's.. not too bad.
Sentynel: Actually.
Sentynel: That's, like, two sets of cartridges for an inkjet..
Sentynel: Maybe fewer than that.
Sentynel: Though the description concerns me a bit.
Sentynel: "Enjoy affordable wireless in your home oroffice"

Sleep Talkers

ThePhan: I have been discovering that Jacob is a sleep talker.
ThePhan: Last night, as I was falling asleep, he suddenly said, "Well, as you can see, we're going to need lots and lots of... what word did I say? Dog piles?"
ThePhan: I said, "...Are you talking to me?"
Ticia: Haha!
ThePhan: He responded, "Well, if I am, I don't remember it. Yes."
Ticia: LOL
ThePhan: So I laughed a bunch and then went back to sleep.
Ticia: Don and I were talking the other night about how it was okay for me to wear his shirts, but it's not okay (sociatally speaking) for him to wear my clothes. Suddenly, he said "Except for those skirts I wore..... wait, what?" because he'd fallen asleep and dreamed about what we'd been talking about between one sentence and the next.
Ticia: I laughed and laughed.
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: That is so funny.
Ticia: Sleep talkers are very entertaining.
ThePhan: They are.
ThePhan: My sister Elizabeth is an occasional sleep talker.
Ticia: Hehe
ThePhan: Ha, my favorite example was on our car ride out for the wedding, though - everybody but Mom was napping in the car, and suddenly Elizabeth woke me up singing along with a song very loudly.
ThePhan: Like half an hour later, she asked me if that song played yet because she wanted to listen to it.
ThePhan: Turns out she was like... sleep belting.

Cowboy Stripper

MSB: Oooooh I'm planning LaZorra's bachelorette party
MSB: any Rinkie tips?
geneva: Scavenger hunt!
Maryam: Go through the typos for ideas.
Goosey: Cupcakes! and Noodly glop! and play charades and watch Sinbad of the Seven Seas and read typos out loud!
Maryam: Yes, Sinbad!!
Goosey: and have an eyebrow-wiggling party!
ThePhan: HAHA SINBAD WOULD BE THE BEST BACHELORETTE PARTY EVER
geneva: hahahaha Sinbad was on the TV the other day and I just about died laughing, Brent was so confused
Maryam: You should have Sinbad-themed cupcakes.
Maryam: From one of those fancy cake places.
Ticia: Cowboy stripper?
Randy: LOL LOL
Goosey: LOL LOL
MSB: her mom will be there, lol.
Randy: Then definite on the Cowboy Stripper?
Goosey: Okay, another drawer cleaned out!
Goosey: This drawer shall be for . . .
Ticia: Two Cowboy Strippers, then?
Goosey: Dice and stationery and art supplies?
Goosey: yes, those things
geneva: Ticia, I dont think TWO cowboy strippers would fit in a drawer ;)
ThePhan: geneva: LOL LOL
Randy: I was gonna say those two sentences fit together.
Goosey: LOL LOL LOL
geneva: teehee XD I miss you guys
Maryam: I like the thought of being able to store away cowboy strippers in a drawer, for whenever you want to pull them out.
Goosey: LOL
Goosey: that could be embarassing.
Randy: That would be a good comic to draw.
Goosey: "Can I borrow a pen?" "Sure, over there in the drawer -- NOT THAT DRAWER!" "YEEEEEHAW!!"
Maryam: Goosey: LOL LOL
Maryam: The YEEHAW at the end got me.
MSB: "Hey there lil' lady, I've got a pen for you, right here"
geneva: LOL Goosey
Goosey: :D
Randy: LOL
Maryam: oh goodness you guys are hilarious
geneva: Why does that drawer have a padlock???
ThePhan: Goosey: LOL LOL
* ThePhan is laughing so hard right now.
Maryam: Randy: What are you watching?
Goosey: LAZORRA WAKE UP WE ARE DISCUSSING YOUR DRAWERS
Goosey: ...
Maryam: Goosey: ahaha

Candy In His Mouth

Ticia: haha, Thomas just came down with candy in his mouth. Rose gave it to him to get him out of her room.
Goosey: lol
Sam: I read "haha, Thomas just came down with..." and assumed it was some sort of illness. The rest of the sentence sounded like it was a very pleasant illness.
ThePhan: LOL LOL
Nyperold: Tastiest affliction ever.
Sam: Then I read the second sentence and thought, wow, what a gifted but vindictive girl. "OUT OF MY ROOM, OR SUFFER INFECTION."
Ticia: LOL
Ticia: That's her super power.
Sentynel: She fights crime.

Most Secure Swimwear

* HelloGorgeous4 is going to a church pool party in a bikini
HelloGorgeous4: lol i dont have any other swimsuit
Goosey: You should invest in a one-piece. More secure.
ThePhan: You should invest in SIX one-pieces. MOST SECURE OF ALL.
Goosey: OVERALLS OVERALLS ARE BEST
HelloGorgeous4: LOL SIX?????
ThePhan: WEAR A ONE-PIECE OVER YOUR OVERALLS

3K

Sentynel: I at least hope I'll be able to cycle to work when I move in September.
Goosey: Sent: ooh nice, how close will that put you?
Sentynel: Goosey: I don't know where I'll be living yet, so I don't know.
Sentynel: Where I'm hoping would be about 3k, though.
Maryam: It took me forever to parse that as 3 kilometers. I was like... "3000 miles? Or is he talking about rent which is going to be 3000 pounds?"
ThePhan: Maryam: LOL, yes, I kept thinking 3000 miles as well.
Goosey: lol
Sentynel: Maryam: I have a REALLY fast bike.
LaZorra: ...and I just read, "...which is going to weigh about 3000 pounds" and thought you meant he thought he was getting a really heavy bike,
ThePhan: LOL LOL
Sentynel: Need a big engine to go that fast, you know.

The 2016 Olympics

ThePhan: This survey just gave me a list of items and said "Please indicate if you have done one of these in the last 3 months."
ThePhan: One of those items? "Attended the 2016 Olympics."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Why, yes. I did that in March.
Goosey: Phan: That would be TALENT
LaZorra: Phan: Did you win
LaZorra: ?
ThePhan: LZ: I *did* win.
ThePhan: Every medal.
MSB: okay. what happened while i was working
LaZorra: MSB: the 2016 Olympics.
LaZorra: You worked for a LONG time.

Princes

(About Disney princesses.)

Dave: Also, why are they all called princesses anyway? How many of them were ACTUALLY a princess in their own stories?
ThePhan: All except Mulan.
ThePhan: Either by birth or by marriage.
ThePhan: Calling Mulan a Disney princess has always bugged me. Heh.
Kalimeris: Yeah! She doesn't marry a prince, she just marries that guy.
Dave: Really? I haven't even seen most of those movies. I didn't know the entire point of every one of them was "girl marries prince"
Dave: That's disturbing all by itself.
Dave: They can't come up with a better plot for their ladies?
ThePhan: Dave: Sometimes it's "princes marries prince."
ThePhan: PRINCESS
Dave: Whoa
LaZorra: LOL LOL
Dave: Disney is more progressive than I thought.

Activitires

LaZorra has entered.
LaZorra: i came in to see if phan is ready to elope to utah with me
ThePhan: LOL
* ThePhan elopes to Utah. elopeelopeelope
ThePhan: Which is, unfortunately, pronounced "elo pee, lo pee, lope."
ThePhan: I *would* elope to Utah, but we have a deposit on the Ohio building and all...
Randy: elopeelopeelopeelope
* Randy sings it like the Lone Ranger theme
Ticia: LOL
LaZorra: Phan: I do not want to do anything that involves peeing. Not even with you in Utah.
LaZorra: I mean, I consider my friends close, but there's a line, you know?
ThePhan: Well, then you're just going to have to sit out for a large portion of our reception.
Randy: Don't all you girls always go to the bathroom in groups anyways?
Sam: LAZORRA NEVER PEES! NEVER!
LaZorra: I NEVER GO TO THE BATHROOM
LaZorra: WHAT SAM SAID
Sam: Unless it's for a good cause. http://www.rinkworks.com/comics/?c=19
LaZorra: Phan: I did not see bathroom activitires noted on the invitation...
ThePhan: LZ: It's mostly a surprise.
ThePhan: "Activitires"?
ThePhan: Tires that can only be activated in the bathroom.
* Sam HUGS LaZorra!
LaZorra: Maybe those are special toilets with tired on them.
* LaZorra HUGS Sam!
LaZorra: Sam: LOL LOL
Randy: LOL
LaZorra: *tired
LaZorra: Toilets with tired on them would perhaps be stalls in which people took naps.
Randy: Been there...
ThePhan: Toilets with tired and tires on them are my wedding favors.
ThePhan: Stalls to nap in... on wheels.
LaZorra: Dude. Best favors EVAR.

The Ability to Impregnate

(In the middle of a discussion about the Merida makeover. Ticia was discussing it with someone online.)

Ticia: The idiot responded to me.
Ticia: "I'm not complaining about strong women; I'm complaining about turning traditional female characters into something they were not for the sake of modern feminism (which isn't very feminine). How's your upper body strength? Let me know when you get another woman pregnant."
Ticia: OH, I'm sorry, am I not being FEMININE ENOUGH FOR YOU
Goosey: LOL LOL
ThePhan: LOL LOL
Ticia: And I don't even get the pregnant part of his comment.
ThePhan: That response is ridiculous
Sam: Er, LOL? What?
Ticia: I guess the ability to impregnate a woman how we're judging strength and awesomeness, now.
Ticia: *is how
Maryam: You can't be strong without being manly? Apparently?
Goosey: that's hilarious
ThePhan: I thought maybe he was implying that upper body strength is directly connected to the ability to impregnate.
Ticia: LOL
Goosey: Just tell him "Let me know when you push another human being out through your privates, then we'll talk about strength."
Ticia: LOL
Sam: And as we all know, the ability to impregnate is directly correlated with how good you are with a bow.
Ticia: Ha!
ThePhan: Robin Hood could impregnate women just by looking at them.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Every single person in England right now is one of his descendants.
* Ticia cries from laughing so hard.
.
.
.
Sentynel: Phan: He's my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.
Sentynel: And it took me that long to make that joke because I was looking up when Robin Hood was set and working out how many generations that would be.
ThePhan: Sent: LOL
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Of course you were.
Ticia: LOL
Sentynel: ^_^

RinkWorks on TVTropes

Ticia: check out the quote at the top of this page http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AerithAndBob
iwpg: Nice.
Dave: SEEN IT
Dave: UR LATE TICIA
Dave: HA HA BURN
Dave: No seriously, that's awesome.
Ticia: lol
Ticia: I'm slowly ready through that reddit thread you posted early, Dave.
Dave: Let me guess, you found that on the reddit thread about things you hate in fantasy books?
Dave: Because that's where I found it. :-)
Dave: AND IT RULED
Dave: I was like "HEY TVTROPES I'M FAMOUS"
Ticia: lol!
Ticia: Yea
Sam: How come everybody's posting that link now? Oh, it's on reddit?
Sam: Because that's been there for years.
Sam: And rules.
Dave: THANKS FOR NOT TELLING ME FOR YEARS
Sam: Dave: It's been talked about a lot in RinkChat. What are the odds if I go back in the logs I'll find me telling you about it?
Sam: I don't know for a fact that I did, but you have to admit, it's a very distinct possibility.
Dave: Sam: ZERO ODDS U NEVAR TOLD ME
Dave: And if you say you did, you lie.
Dave: I have no proof you didn't just insert that into the logs somewhere then claim to find it just now.
Dave: I ADMIT NOTHING
Ticia: lol
Goosey: LOL
Sam: Hang on, I'm typ--finding it now.
Goosey: LOL
Sam: Sam: Hey Dave, I see the Fantasy Novelist's Exam is quoted on tvtropes. // Dave: Why yes, I see that the Fantasy Novelist's Exam is quoted on tvtropes. // Sam: I bet in approximately three years you will forget I told you this, ha ha. // Dave Yes, I also bet I will forget about this too, ha ha.
Ticia: LOL
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: Looks legit to me.
Dave: WHOA
Dave: That is so incredibly specific, it couldn't POSSIBLY be a fabrication!
ThePhan: LOL
iwpg: LOL

Mountains Aren't Natural

LaZorra: I was talking to one girl who grew up here, and I said I was from California where we had lots of mountains. Her eyes got big, and she said, "Mountains freak me out. That's not natural."
Goosey: LOL
LaZorra: I was like, "Uh...pretty sure they are...but okay..."
TalkingDog: that is a silly person
Goosey: That's awesome
TalkingDog: Did she say where they came from?
LaZorra: so silly
TalkingDog: Maybe they are from Space Mountain.
LaZorra: TD: From the look on her face, she wanted to stop thinking about mountains as soon as possible.
LaZorra: YES
LaZorra: oh man
Goosey: Hahaha
TalkingDog: What if she thinks that mountains are like Space Mountain and Splash Mountain? If those are the only mountains you know, they are pretty unnatural.
LaZorra: LOL
LaZorra: You know, that's very true.
TalkingDog: I need some kind of "TD Explains" blog.
LaZorra: Yes, you do.
Goosey: LOL YES
LaZorra: Although, if all mountains were like Space Mountain or Slapsh Mountain, my commute to college would have been a lot more fun.

Get Down Tonight

Sam: What, I come back from a walk, and nobody's said anything?
Sam: You people need to entertain me better.
Goosey: sorry
Sam: I should hope so.
Sam: Now make amends.
Sam: Do a little dance.
Dave: Make a little love.
Sam: Get down tonight.
Goosey: Get down tonight.
* Goosey does a little dance.
Sam: Is that my cue to make a little love?
Counterpoint: -;-
Counterpoint: -;'
Counterpoint: ';-
Counterpoint: ';'
Counterpoint: -;'
Counterpoint: ';-
Counterpoint: -;-
Counterpoint: A little dance.
Sam: LOL
Sam: Nicely done.
Goosey: LOL
Nyperold: Presumably, Goosey already has down. ;-)
Goosey: LOL
Goosey: Yes, and I'm not sharing. Get your own.

Darker Warker Marker

ThePhan: So it turns out that if you're really tired and not paying attention when you write stuff, you can write "darker warker marker" when you meant "darker winter months."
ThePhan: Proofreading is definitely my friend today.
Sentynel: LOL LOL
[RinkChat] The chat room's topic has been changed to 'darker warker marker' by Sentynel.
Nyperold: A writing tool of decreased luminosity that makes chocobo noises.
Randy: hehe
Sam: It's a one-way hashing algorithm. Take the first consonants of every word, and replace the rest with "arker."
Sam: Arker arker arker-warker harker arker. Tarker tharker farker carker arker arker warker, arker rarker tharker rarker warker "arker."
ThePhan: Tharker carker, barker sarker ARKER!
Nyperold: Marker, harker brarker.
ThePhan: Warker karker sarker larker tharker Swarker Charker.
Nyperold: (Mmm, hash browns.)
Sam: LOL
ThePhan: "Mmm" -> "Mmmarker"?
Sam: Yarker.
Randy: Garker
Nyperold: Warker, arker darker harker. Tarker barker arker carker arker arker.
Sam: Nyp: I can't smurf that.
Nyperold: (Well, it's definitely hashed. Too bad I can't understand anything.)
Sam: But that's why it's a one-way hash.
Sam: You can talk in CODE.
Sam: UNINTERCEPTIBLE CODE
Sentynel: Barker, barker, barker.
Sentynel: (-the Swedish chef.)
Randy: varker, varker, varker.
Randy: (-Julius Ceasar)
Randy: barker!
Randy has left.
Goosey has entered.
Goosey: I love when I come in here and read the buffer and have NO IDEA what is going on.
ThePhan: LARKER LARKER LARKER
ThePhan: (LOL LOL LOL)

Catapultably

ThePhan: No, fingers, "catapability" is not a word. The word you want is "compatibility."
Sam: CATAPULTABLY!!
iwpg: "catapability" = "compatibility with being catapulted"
Sam: ThePhan, I must say you are looking positively catapultable tonight.
iwpg: (Sam beat.)
Sam: Mwahaha.
* ThePhan is not sure she wants to be catapultable.
Sam: Oh.
Sam: Well, I can think of a way to test and see if you are or not.
Sam: You'd rest easier knowing for sure.
Sam: Mwahaha.
iwpg: It's always nice to have the option, even if you don't want to do it for now.

Corporate Speak

Sentynel: Somebody was complaining about a different stake-related saying at work today - "stakeholders", as an irritating bit of corporate speak.
Sentynel: He proposed we replace all uses of "stakeholders" with "van helsings".
Sam: Are stakeholders not just stockholders?
Sentynel: Sam: As in "stakeholders in this decision" or whatever.
Sam: That's awful.
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: As a general term for people who are interested in and/or affected by something.
Sentynel: We have a page on the internal wiki which functions as a dictionary for awful corporate speak. It has a good couple of hundred entries at the moment, of varying levels of stupidity.
Sam: I hope you leverage synergies to maintain it.
Sam: ...on a going forward basis.
Sentynel: Sam: "synergies" isn't on the list, which means nobody's caught it being used, which is nice.
Goosey: Sam: Don't forget you have a paradigm in there somewhere.
Sentynel: "Leverage" and "going forward" both are, though.
Sentynel: "Paradigm" is too.
Sam: "Going forward" is mid-level stupidity, but it escalates to high-level stupidity if it modifies "basis."
Sam: I don't mind "paradigm" so much, though, because at least in my experience that's what the word actually means.
Sentynel: Other items that particularly annoy me: "upskilling", meaning "training"; "in slower time" and "in quicker time" meaning "later" and "sooner"; and "touch base" meaning "talk to" (though this one has the advantage that if somebody uses it four times in a meeting, you get to shout "home run!" at them).
Sentynel: And probably a bunch more that are currently escaping me.
Maryam: 'Going forward' is only mid-level? It sounds utterly meaningless to me.
Maryam: LOL at home run.
Goosey: LOL
Sam: "Going forward, we're going to route customer service calls through this new tool." That's not terrible, just kind of clumsy. But "We're going route customer service calls through this tool on a going forward basis." is retarded.
Sentynel: Maryam: You clearly haven't encountered the refined upper echelons of idiotic corporate speak...
Maryam: Sent: This is true.
TalkingDog: Does the meaning change if you leave "going forward" out entirely?
Maryam: So it means 'from this point in time on'? I guess there's some meaning there then.
Sam: TD: Not particularly.
Sam: But similar phrases are used in every day English. "From now on" means the same thing, is probably superfluous about as often, but doesn't make me want to punch anybody.
Sam: I have thankfully never encountered "upskilling" or "in slower time". Those are horrible.
Sam: Those terms clearly call for extended variations. Tomorrow, right before the lunch break, you should announce that you're gonna go upnourish.
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: The best comment on the whole page, though, is when somebody commented that a particular item ("space", I think) had probably been pilfered from mathematical vocabulary, where it has various particular, defined meanings. Somebody commented that words with multiple precise meanings seemed to be common in maths. And the reply was the following gem:
Sentynel: "Mathematicians have a lot of meaning and a shortage of words, so they have to share multiple meanings across some words. Management have a lot of words and a shortage of meaning, so they have to share the same meaning out across multiple words."
Goosey: Sent: nice!
Maryam: Snrk.
Sam: LOL LOL
Sam: Thanks for upfunning the chat room, Sentynel.
Sam: ...That sounds unpleasant and probably obscene. I should think about up puns in slower time on a going forward basis.
Sentynel: You mean, "you value my contribution to the delivery of the overarching goal of upfunning the stand-up discussion space".
Sentynel: I'm going to go and shoot myself now.
Sam: LOL
Sam: Upskill.
Sam: Ugh, I wanna punch something.
Sentynel: Oh, you know what else I just remembered?
Sentynel: "disbenefit".
Sam: Some of the corporate terms are awful and yet don't have especially obvious or fluid natural alternatives. But, look, the word is TRAIN. You TRAIN people. SIMPLE.
Goosey: LOL
TalkingDog: I wonder if people don't want to be thought of as trained animals.
TalkingDog: Not that that excuses such a goofy word.
Sam: "Core competencies" is one I don't mind so much just because what it means doesn't have a particularly easy alternative. You can say "What we're good at," but that's harder to drop into whatever arbitrary sentence you might be saying, and "primary strengths" is somewhat more vague and not much less corporatey.
TalkingDog: "Main stats"
Sentynel: My manager's manager pointed out that if you're being trained, it implies the responsibility is on other people to train you right. But if you're upskilling, then it's your problem.
Nyperold: I should contribute to the delivery of the goal of upcleaning the moisture removal cloths.
Goosey: TD: lol
Sam: And "paradigm," as I said earlier. It's corporatey, but it also actually means something.
Sentynel: Sam: I hate "core competencies" primarily because it's meaningless bullstuff that I'm assessed on, rather than how well I'm doing my ACTUAL JOB.
TalkingDog: It'd be fun if corporate speak was replaced by gamer speak.
Sentynel: The word itself isn't particularly bad.
Goosey: TD: YES
Sentynel: Words.
Sam: Sent: I'm gonna email you my credit card number. Please book me a flight to London and arrange for a rental car and lodging near your place of work. I'll come over on a weekend, kick your manager's manager square in the privates, and fly back.
Sentynel: Sam: To be fair to the guy, he was pointing this out as a criticism of the word.
Sam: Oh.
Goosey: lol
Sam: I guess he may continue to father children then.
Sentynel: He's a decent guy, actually. But feel free to come over and kick all the people who use this sort of thing seriously.
Sam: Okay!
TalkingDog: "Upraise futurelings"
* TalkingDog is just making up words now.
Sentynel: TD: SO ARE THEY
TalkingDog: True enough.
Goosey: LOL
Sam: TD: To increase our company's rep, it is important to kite noobs rather than tank-and-spanking them.
TalkingDog: hehehe
Ticia has left.
Sam: Aww, Ticia proceded on a leaving basis.
Counterpoint: RinkChat plugin.
Sam: LOL
Sam: It could just be one of the language translations for RC.
Goosey: Sam: You misarranged the alphabetical symbolism of that word on an accidental basis, didn't you?
Sam: "Sam has conceived the chat room's mission statement to be...."
Sam: Goosey: possibly?
TalkingDog: That would rule.
Goosey: *proceeded?
Sentynel: You know what bothers me? When we're deliberately trying to produce the most ridiculous corporate speak possible... IT STILL SOUNDS LESS STUPID THAN EXAMPLES OF THE REAL THING.
Goosey: LOL LOL LOL
ThePhan: LOL
Sam: Huh. Why yes. Yes I did misarrange the alphabetical symbolism of that word on an accidental basis.
Ticia has entered.
Ticia: Managers need to update their verbiage periodically so that they are still relevant in a burgeoning workforce.
Sentynel: It's not a workforce any more, it's a resource.
Ticia: Dang
Sam: Sentynel, I believe it's asynchronous with our relational competencies to use the word "stupid" like that. Going forward, perhaps a paradigmatic shift to the word "downsmarting" would be less of a disbenefit.
Counterpoint: I just watch The Apartment recently. "On an accidental basis"/accidentally reminds me of how all the corporatespeak there made pseudoadverbs with -wise. Accidentwise.
Ticia: Why are they still called "Managers" that term is so archaic.
Ticia: *?
Sam: I do feel significantly downsmarted from when this conversation began.
Ticia: You need to uplearn some skillosities.
Sam: Sentynel.
Sam: Seriously, UPSKILLING?
Goosey: Sam: I am feeling upwardly sympathetic for you, downsmarted predicamentwise.
Sam: I just triple-took on that.
Sentynel: Clearly, the goal of upsmarting the team is a deferred success.
Sam: UPSKILLING?!?
Sentynel: Sam: Seriously. I know.
Maryam: Does 'deferred success' mean 'failure'?
Sam: I've been to some terrible corporate meetings before, but I don't think I've ever heard anything THAT terrible. Maybe we just use different terrible words.
Maryam: What happens to success deferred? Does it dry up, like a raisin in the sun?
Goosey: LOL
Goosey: You mean, "does it unmoisture, like an exgrape in the --" never mind. I can't do it.
Sentynel: Maryam: The approximate translation is "we screwed up big time, but if you give us twice as much money and some more people we think we can rescue it."
Ticia: Don says "So, you're not drinking, you're downsloshing."
Sam: Or is it upsloshing?
Sam: With that one it's hard to tell.
* Nyperold is returning on a coming back basis.
Sam: I'm kind of surprised "hiring" hasn't become "upsizing" yet. (Or has it?) That's kind of a giveaway that political correctness is as much a factor here as the egos of managers trying to sound smart.
Sam: We hire people and...downsize.
TalkingDog: Isn't it "rightsizing" now or something?
Ticia: We're upsizing our resources.
Maryam: TD: I was about to ask the same thing.
Sam: Rightsizing could go either way.
Sentynel: Sam: Argh, there was a really stupid word for hiring on the list. It wasn't upsizing, but I can't remember what it was.
TalkingDog: Hmm. Upstaffing?
Sam: Something about growing?
Ticia: We need to proactively envisioneer parallel interfaces.
Sam: I don't get how some people can use these terms with a straight face.
Ticia: http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html?bullstuff=you%27re+fired
Sam: I couldn't possibly, even if so directed.
Ticia: that got filtered. lol
TalkingDog: I think I've also heard "brightsizing".
Sam: hahaha
Ticia: replace the word "Stuff" with the relevant curse word.
Goosey: We need to conveniently whiteboard high-quality strategic theme areas
TalkingDog: I don't remember what it was meant to mean exactly. And it may have been a Dilbert comic.
Goosey: Ticia: The url still worked for me
Ticia: oh, good. lol
Goosey: WhizManager: quickly mesh interactive expertise!
Sentynel: Goosey: YES
Ticia: LOL
Sam: Goosey: You are upsized!
Goosey: WM: quickly mesh interactive expertise~
Ticia: I sense a new bot.
Goosey: *monotonectally brand an expanded array of paradigms
Goosey: Sam: Yay!
iwpg: LOL
Goosey: Somebody PLEASE actually make that bot
Goosey: We have InsultBot, why not ManagerBot? They could have meetings together!
Sentynel: Ticia's link reminds me of another one - 24x7x365. Meaning "constantly". This is stupid on so many levels.
Goosey: Sent: Uh.
Sam: Surely corporate speak is too complex and nuanced to be accurately simulated by a computer program.
Maryam: Sent: Wait what?
Maryam: That's terrible.
iwpg: Obviously it means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 weeks a heptayear.
Goosey: Sam: Ticia's link does it
Maryam: iwpg: hahaha
Sam: I've heard 24-7, but not anything beyond that.
Goosey: It intrinsicly simplifies tactical infomediaries
Sentynel: I'm pretty sure you could just stick the word lists on Ticia's link into the existing Whiz code and you'd be pretty much sorted.
Sam: Yes.
Sentynel: HINT HINT
Goosey: DO IT SMA
Ticia: lol
Sam: I admit it falls within the parameters of my core competencies, but I have to leverage my time in faster time.

Deny Your Faith or Die

ThePhan: Uh, FB friend posts, "There will come a day when I will be asked to deny my faith or die. Will I be prepared to die? Will I know why I'm standing up for my faith and what I believe?"
ThePhan: There WILL come a day?
ThePhan: Is this just something that happens to everyone at one point or another?
ThePhan: She lives in Georgia.
Goosey: lol
ThePhan: I don't think that day is coming any time soon.
Goosey: You don't know. She might have it penciled in for next month
Dave: That's happening next Tuesday, right?
Dave: It's marked as a holiday on my calendar. "Deny Your Faith or DIE" day is what it's called, apparently.
Dave: Of course we don't get it off.
ThePhan: Well, that's what I get for not going to church for awhile. I missed the memo.
Dave: So I'll be at work with all the other heathens denying faith.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Also, that last sentence... if you don't know why you're standing up for your faith and what you believe, WHY ARE YOU DOING IT?
ThePhan: "OK, deny your faith or die." "I choose death." "Why?" "Hadonno."
Dave: "Seems like the thing to do."
ThePhan: "A Facebook status told me to."
Sentynel: Phan: When that day came for me, it led to several years of legal battles to determine whether I could, in fact, deny my faith when I don't have one.
Sentynel: The good news is, apparently I can, so I'm still here.
ThePhan: Sent: Well, I'm glad you're still here.
Maryam: That all reminds me of CAKE OR DEATH.
Goosey: LOL
Dave: Yeah, I'm hoping they give you more than a few seconds to answer the question. I mean, if it's just like "DENY YOUR FAITH OR DIE!" and I say "What faith?" I hope they don't just go "BANG" At least give me a chance to logic this conundrum out.
Goosey: LOL
Dave: That's like asking someone if he's stopped beating his wife.
Dave: I mean, first we have to establish if we're talking about African or European swallows.
Sentynel: Dave: It's Ninevah.
Dave: Uh, what is Ninevah?
Dave: You lost me.
Sentynel: The capital of Assyria.
Sentynel: I was answering one of the bridge-keeper's other questions. It's funny, see?
Goosey: LOL
Dave: You are far too advanced for me, sir.

PINK

ThePhan: One of my friends shared a photo the other day that was one of those "Pass this on and your true love will find you" things, but it started off by saying "90% of all couples marry their junior high/high school sweetheart!"
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: I responded and said, "That may be the most wildly incorrect statistic I have read all week."
Goosey: Hahahaha
ThePhan: Her response: "Oh hahaha I just like it because it's pink!"
ThePhan: PEOPLE ARE WEIRD
Goosey: WHAT
Dave: PINK
Dave: STATS R UNIMPORTANT
Dave: PINK SI IMPORTANT
Sam: Wait, the whole couple marries their junior high/high school sweetheart?
Sam: That's kinky.
Sam: Regardless, it sounds like only 10% need to pass on that note, as the other 90% have already met their true loves.
Dave: PINK
Sam: PINK
Dave: PINK WAS THE IMPRTANT TAKEAWEY
Sam: tak-ee-ah-way
Dave: FOOD
iwpg: PINK
Sam: PINK

Pregnancy Test

Sentynel: Okay, wow. The standard pregnancy test in the ~1950s was the following: 1) Take urine sample. 2) Inject said sample into a toad. 3) Observe toad for 24 hours. 4) If toad lays eggs, test is positive.
Sentynel: (Female toad, obviously.)
Ticia: lol
Goosey: lol
* Nyperold blinks.
Ticia: I wonder how long it took them to figure out that didn't work.
Sentynel: Oh, it worked.
Sentynel: It was phased out when we developed direct chemical tests for the antigens involved.
Ticia: ... seriously?
Sentynel: Yup.
Ticia: lol, okay then.
Sentynel: It was an improvement on previous tests, which used mice or rabbits, as the animal had to be killed and dissected so the ovaries could be examined.
Sentynel: The toad survived and could be used repeatedly.
Ticia: Poor toad.
LaZorra: ...
LaZorra: My brain wants to make some really bizarre parallel to kissing toads.
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: LaZ: If you kiss a toad and it turns into a prince, you're pregnant? I think that's the wrong way around.

Marriage Is Work

ThePhan: Heh. One of my friends is, I think, really concerned that I don't understand how much work marriage is or something. She keeps telling me and I keep being like, "Yeah, but we'll be good," and she's like, "No, it's really difficult sometimes," and I'm like, "I know," and she's like, "You'll have to work really hard to make it work," and I'm like, "I THINK WE WILL BE OKAY."
ThePhan: People spouting marriage advice at me is weird. People freaking out that I'm not taking them seriously is weirder.
Randy: Maybe she should learn when to stop? hehe
ThePhan: I think she's just concerned because I suspect *she* went into her marriage not expecting work, and so she's trying to make sure I avoid that.
Ticia: Maybe she is expecting you to come to your senses and call off the wedding? "Oh, you are right, I hadn't thought about how much WORK it would be before I said yes! I shall renounce my marriage and move to a nunnery right away!"
Randy: GET THEE TO A NUNNERY
Goosey: LOL LOL
ThePhan: But even the kinds of stuff she's telling me we need to do is totally different, because she is nothing like either me or Jacob. She's super high-maintenance, and she's very different from her husband.
ThePhan: So her advice is things like, "I bet you guys have trouble communicating because you just don't understand each other," and that's really not the case.
Sentynel: CANCEL ALL RELATIONSHIPS IMMEDIATELY
Sentynel: TURNS OUT PEOPLE ARE COMPLICATED
Ticia: Hah!
ThePhan: LOL
Maryam: LOL
Sam: Phan: People are really weird. My advice is to just be polite and smile and nod and also to remember that marriage is work, like, I mean, you really have to work at it a lot all the time and it's hard work too.
ThePhan: Or, "Sometimes you're going to have to learn to leave each other alone," and I'm like WE ARE BOTH INTROVERTS. This is not a concept we are unclear on.
ThePhan: Sam: LOL, thanks.
Sam: NO PROBLEM.
Sam: i MEAN, THERE IS A PROBLEM.
Sam: IT TAKES WOOORRRRRK, I TELL YOU.
Ticia: No, marriage is sunshine and roses.
Sam: I agree with that. It's million degree heat and flowers that die in a couple days.
Sam: I kid, of course.
Sam: No, marriage is actually WROK. It's an adventure game where every option is "Be weird."

(We talked seriously for a little bit about legitimate things to worry about in relationships, and how weird it is when people get worried that Jacob and I haven't ever had a fight.)

Sam: You seem to me like you're a pretty practical person and not ever the delusion you'll NEVER fight, which I suppose is the case for some people.
ThePhan: Sam: Yeah, if we waited until we had a fight to make this happen, we'd be waiting for ages to get married. We're both kind of conflict-avoidy, but we've discussed at length how we *do* react to conflict and how we should approach it if we need to confront the other about something, that kind of thing.
ThePhan: So I'm pretty comfortable with that.
Sam: TP: It does not surprise me that you have talked it out and made that judgment. Like I said, you seem pretty practical and grounded to me.
Sam: ON THE OTHER HAND, MARRIAGE IS WORRRRRRRRRRRRRK. I DO NOT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THIS YET
.
.
.
* ThePhan is talking to Jacob right now and sharing this whole conversation.
Sentynel: Jacob: YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO START A FIGHT WITH HER BEFORE YOU'RE MARRIED
ThePhan: Sent: LOL LOL
Ticia: Fight!
Sentynel: I'm disturbed by how many of my contributions to this conversation have been ALLCAPS.
ThePhan: He says, "Uh, okay. I guess I'll think about that."
Ticia: Jacob: MARRIAGE IS A LOT OF WORK ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY I MEAN IT IS *A LOT* OF WORK.
ThePhan: He says, "I change my opinions a lot. Maybe I can change my opinion on something really big that's really important to you, so we can fight about it!"
Ticia: There you go
ThePhan: Maybe we can fight tonight!
Ticia: Maybe he can be an extrovert.
Sentynel: I'm now slightly concerned that Jacob's only encounter with me may have led him to think I'm a little strange.

Not a Fake

Sentynel: Spam email title: "Your UniversityMBADiploma. Actual, not a fake"
Sentynel: Amusingly, this somehow bypassed the spam filter.
Sam: Congratulations on your new degree!
Sentynel: Thanks.
Sentynel: I feel like I really earned this one.
TalkingDog: I read that as "University M BADiploma". It sounded awesome.
.
.
.
ThePhan: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOOSEY
ThePhan: For real now :-)
Goosey: Yay thank you :D
Sam: Happy birthday and all, but let's not take the spotlight from Sentynel. He earned a degree today.
Sam: Sentynel, congratulations on receiving a spam!
Sentynel: THank you, thank you.
Goosey: Yay Sentynel!
Sentynel: Happy birthday Goosey!
Sentynel: (Hopefully your birthday wasn't announced via spam email.)
Sam: You have a birthday! (Not a fake.)

Rock Paper Scissors, Etc.

wintermute: http://static.neatorama.com/images/2005/rps-15.jpg
wintermute: I like that sponge beats devil.
Maryam: Why does wolf beat lightning?
Maryam: I don't think that system makes much sense.
Sentynel: http://www.umop.com/rps101/rps101chart.html RPS-15 is for amateurs.
wintermute: Dynamite beats tornado?
Sentynel: I'm pretty sure a sufficiently large amount of dynamite correctly placed and detonated would disrupt a tornado.
Sentynel: You might just need rather a lot.
ThePhan: Sent: IS AMAZING
Sentynel: I know I am.
ThePhan: LOL
wintermute: Turnip beats dragon.
Sentynel: Dragons are carnivorous. Turnips are probably poisonous or something.
ThePhan: If you click on them, it tells you why.
ThePhan: ...Turnip wins because it can be thrown at dragon.
ThePhan: Sent's explanation is better.
Sentynel: Woah, they wrote out what happens for all ~5k combinations? That's pretty impressive in itself.
Maryam: Dragons are usually intelligent too. Think they would just eat a turnip if you gave it to them?
Sentynel: Maryam: I don't think the RPS rules take into account intelligence of participants. After all, what sort of moron tries to cut a rock with scissors?
Maryam: Heh.
ThePhan: Sent: Yeah, that's my favorite part.
ThePhan: You can see ALL the outcomes in a list here: http://www.umop.com/rps101/alloutcomes.htm
wintermute: Planet goes to school?
ThePhan: (Incidentally, to address earlier concerns, wolf outruns lightning and sponge cleanses devil.)
Sentynel: That's either a very quick wolf or very slow lightning.
ThePhan: wm: Er... apparently
wintermute: LOL: http://www.umop.com/rps101/1.htm
wintermute: Lots of "Explodes".
wintermute: Computer prevents baby?
iwpg: So man beats brain because he has a brain, but turnip beats brain because it has no brain?
Maryam: If you're too addicted to the computer for procreation?
iwpg: Surely that means everything should beat brain one way or another?
Sentynel: TIL vampires are nuke-proof.
wintermute: Toilet attracts lightning?
wintermute: I'm never pooping there again.
Sentynel: LOL, toilet smells like nuke.
iwpg: "Toilet more legal than wall" is the one that really puzzled me there.

Little Kids Saying Things Wrong

Ticia: Joseph just asked me how a bulldog would kill you. So I asked him why he wanted to know, since it was so out of the blue. He said "Well, someday when I grow up and get married, my kids might want to know..."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: He's thinking ahead.
ThePhan: It's like one of my favorite Seth stories, when we were working on correcting his speech impediment where his Ls came out as Ys (like = yike).
ThePhan: We were practicing different words and trying to get him to save them correctly, and he suddenly panicked and yelled, "I have to practice the word 'love'!"
ThePhan: "Why?"
ThePhan: "For when I get my wife!"
Goosey: LOL
Ticia: Ha!
ThePhan: We reassured him he had plenty of time to practice before that happened.
Ticia: Thomas has the same problem.
ThePhan: Er, and say them correctly. Not save.
Ticia: He says w instead of L, though.
ThePhan: Most kids I know do that. The Ls get turned into Ws.
Ticia: "Mom, can I sit on your wap?" "I don't have a wap. I have a lap, though.
ThePhan: Seth's was just funky.
Ticia: So we practice. He can say La. "La La La Wap!"
ThePhan: Since he also couldn't say his Rs (they turned into Ws), I discovered once that it made the words "clueless" and "curious" sounded exactly the same.
ThePhan: He kept talking once about somebody who was "cyueyess," and I kept going, "Curious?" "No! Cyueyess!" "...Curious?" "NO! Yike, without a cyue!"
Ticia: LOL
Goosey: LOL
* LaZorra comes back to the qindow and cracks up.
Nyperold: Qindows sure are funny!
Sam: My nephew learned the word "truck" before he could pronounce "tr" properly. So it would come out "kuck." But then when he learned the "tr" sound, he still kept saying "kuck," because by then that word was ingrained. So then he learned other "tr" words that he pronounced properly. Ultimately, he would be able to tell me that a certain vehicle was a "tractor-trailor kuck."
Goosey: LOL
Ticia: My tr sound came out as an f sound, when I was a kid.
Goosey: oops
Ticia: I didn't understand why mom didn't want me saying truck...
Ticia: :-D
Goosey: lol
LaZorra: Ticia: LOL
Goosey: My sister Katie just mixed up consonants all over the place
Goosey: Her favorite Disney princess was "Seeping Blooty"
Goosey: She wore a "shimming flute" to the pool
Goosey: The place where her arm bent was her "oboe"
Goosey: She ate kitchen in the chicken
Goosey: And she said "fish" backwards
Goosey: So when she (loudly) told my dad to feed the fish (and confused "feed" with "eat") it came out rather badly
Ticia: haha

Projer Orpber

LaZorra: WhOA: http://english.stackexchange.com/quest...5/what-is-the-rule-for-adjective-order
LaZorra: Adjectives have a projer orpber?
Goosey: a what? lol
LaZorra: er, proper order
Randy: hehe
Sam: Hey, hey, settle down, people!
Sam: Settle down!
Sam: Orpber! Orpber!
Goosey: LOL
Nyperold: Yes, we must do this projerly.
Sam: Good grief. Google for "projer orpber," and it figures out you probably meant "proper order." ???
Goosey: eek
Goosey: Sam: Google speaks LaZorra!
Sam: Oh, this explains it. Google Translate has a "LaZorra" language option.
Sam: So it knows.
Goosey: lol
Randy: haha
LaZorra: :-p
LaZorra: YOU SO FUNNY SMA

The Cat Is the Hate

Ticia: The cat has discovered the heating pad on my lap. I don't think she has plans to move, ever.
LaZorra: Ticia: Now that I know there is a heating pad on your lap, I am going to join your cat.
* LaZorra curls up on Ticia's lap.
Ticia: LaZorra: Okay, but I may braid your hair while you're there.
LaZorra: Ticia: ...somehow I am now picturing you braiding your cat's tail into my hair.
LaZorra: Which sounds like a terrible idea.
LaZorra: for all of us
Sentynel: I'm not sure the cat would be a big fan of that idea.
Ticia: lol
Ticia: She just tried to bite me.
Ticia: The cat, that is.
ThePhan: WEDDING HAIR IDEA
ThePhan: Ticia will braid her cat's tail into my hair.
ThePhan: It will be beautiful.
Goosey: LOL
Ticia: haha
ThePhan: The cat will be attached, of course.
Randy: LOL
ThePhan: Otherwise there's really no point.
Ticia: The cat would make a fabulous hat.
LaZorra: LOL
LaZorra: Hey, some people pay big money for fur hats!
Sentynel: Normally they're not alive at the time.
Ticia: Yes, I would need her alive at the end of the wedding.
Ticia: No skinning my cat for a fabulous hat.
Randy: Its the new thing. Live animal hats.
Ticia: Imagine lazorra with a hat like this http://thequillsisters.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/cat-on-head.bmp
Ticia: Actually, this http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2NU84yo3_ns/...AAAkg/8ztP2vAkI4A/s1600/CAT-HEAD-2.jpg is closer to Teyla's coloring.
LaZorra: That is indeed a lovely hat!
LaZorra: And would go perfectly with Phan's dress.
Sentynel: I like how there are enough images on the internet of people with cats on their head that you can find one of the right colour.
ThePhan: LZ: It would!
Goosey: Dr. Suess's classic book, The Cat Is the Hate
Goosey: *HAT
* ThePhan wants people to photoshop cats onto her head during wedding pics now, btw.
ThePhan: THE CAT IS THE HATE
Sentynel: Goosey: That seems a bit darker than his usual work...
Goosey: SHOT OP
Goosey: At least I still have my eyes, okay?
LaZorra: THE CAT IS THE HATE
* LaZorra dies laughing.
Goosey: :)
LaZorra: THE CAT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW OF HATE
Sentynel: Also, it's Seuss.
LaZorra: Sent: No, Seuss wrote the Cat in the Hat.
Goosey: Laz: Sent was correcting my hasty spelling
Sentynel: Oh, right. Suess is his darker-and-edgier cousin.
LaZorra: Suess wrote The Cate is the Hat.
LaZorra: er
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: Man, he was prolific!
LaZorra: it's hard to misspell a misspelling but im a hard man
Goosey: LOL LOL
Randy: LOL
* Randy loves this place
LaZorra: IN SOVIET RINKCHAT, CHAT LOVES YOU

Goosey Can't Keep Her Eyes

Goosey: Okay, it's literally hard to keep my eyes, so night!
Goosey has left.
Randy: LOL
ThePhan: ...Goosey can't keep her eyes?
ThePhan: Literally?
ThePhan: This sounds like a problem.
Dave: TP: I was just thinking the same thing. That's scary.
Randy: LOL LOL

(The next morning. The previous conversation was still on the buffer.)

Goosey has entered.
Goosey: Ticia memoed that to me, Sam memoed that to me, Phan posted it on my facebook . . .
Goosey: I'm happy to report that I still have my eyes . . .
Sam: LOL!!
Sam: And then you come in before it's scrolled off the buffer anyway.
Goosey: Ayup.

Wearing a Ton of Makeup

Dave: Decline II is like my favorite rockumentary ever.
Randy: Its the best when the guys are all "I live for rock and roll, if I don't make it I'll die!"
Goosey: Okay, I'm putting myself to bed.
Randy: while wearing a ton of makeup.
Goosey: Goodnight everybody!
Randy: night Goosey!
* Goosey HUGS everybody!
* Randy HUGS Goosey!
Ticia: I was all 'How does Randy know if Goosey is wearing a ton of makeup to bed?"
Goosey: LOL
Ticia: :-D
Randy: LOL
Randy: Don't all women do that?
Ticia: Oh sure. We love to wash our pillowcases every day.
Goosey: and if the house catches on fire overnight, we want to be ready when the firemans show up
Ticia: Well, yeah.
Randy: I KNEW IT
Goosey: IT IS LOGICAL

IMVO

Dave: I almost answered the door in my undies yesterday.
Dave: I forgot I wasn't wearing pants.
Maryam: LOL
Dave: That's the sign of a good day imvo.
Maryam: v?
Dave: The pizza guy shows up with dinner and you're still in your robe and undies.
Maryam: imVo? What's the V?
Dave: Yes, sorry. It means "In my Veronique opinion"
Dave: Why that is so is... weird.
Maryam: Hrm. I am actually no closer to an answer there.
Dave: LOL
Dave: It actually doesn't make much sense. I'll try to explain.
Maryam: Heh.
Goosey: LOL
Dave: My main character when I played WoW was named Hamirack. Stephen's was Veronique.
Dave: Somehow (and I'm really unclear how) everybody in our guild decided "IMHO" actually stood for "In my Hamirack opinion"
Maryam: Heh.
Dave: Somehow that morphed into imvo, but we wouldn't tell Stephen whatit meant for the longest time.
Dave: He was like "Come on guys, just tell me."
Dave: We kept him in the dark for long enough that it was kind of anti-climactic when we finally told him what it meant. He was just like "Why?"
Dave: And we were like "...don't knwo."
Maryam: LOL
Goosey: LOL
Dave: So, yeah. Then that became a running joke, we always said "imvo" instead of "imho"
Dave: And I still do it.
Goosey: Because you are Dave.
Dave: And that's the story, and you're probably still just as confused!

Cayenne With Triscuits

* Goosey eats sardines with triscuits
LaZorra: oh man, triscuits sound amazing right now.
* Goosey is about to try sprinkling one with cayenne . . . this could be interesting
Goosey: Oh dear, that was a larger dash of cayenne than I intended. Um.
Goosey: Who dares me?
LaZorra: Goosey: HOT HOT HOT
Randy: DO EEET
Goosey: huh, my mouth feels the heat, but was not ignited.
Goosey: And it was yummy.
Goosey: How interesting.
.
.
.
Goosey: Ow. Ow. Cayenne is burning a hole in my tongue. Ow.
LaZorra: oh nooooooo
LaZorra: that is not how you pierce your tongue goosey oh no it is not
Goosey: LOL

Moved the Lawn

* wintermute just mowed the lawn for the first time this year.
wintermute: Ohio had Second Winter this year.
* ThePhan just moved the lawn for the first time this year.
ThePhan: By the end of the year, it should be a full six feet to the left of where it was.
ThePhan: It will greatly confuse our neighbors.
Goosey: LOL
wintermute: Especially if it ends up in their house.
Goosey: Are you moving the entire lawn en masse? Or cutting a strip off one side and replanting it on the other?
ThePhan: Goosey: The former.
Goosey: Wow, that's talent

Phone Reviews

ThePhan: I AM TIRED OF WRITING PHONE REVIEWS
ThePhan: I have been doing it for like 3 hours.
wintermute: This phone came pre-programmed with Liam Neeson's phone number. A++. Would buy again.
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: That does not appear to be true of any of the ones I've written about so far.
ThePhan: Obviously I'm reviewing terrible phones.
wintermute: This phone is full of scorpions. Every time I answered it, they all stung my ear. 7/10/
wintermute: Without that trailing slash.
ThePhan: I think you were starting to date that review, but before you could write out the year, the scorpions killed you.
wintermute: LOL.

Resume 79

ThePhan has entered.
ThePhan: resume 79
ThePhan: Well, that's helpful.
Goosey: /
Goosey: ?
ThePhan: That was meant to be a / command. Heh.
Sam: 1979 HAS BEEN RESUMED.
Sam: Whoa.
Sam: Somebody had paused 1979 in October and zipped ahead to 1980.
Sam: NOW WE'RE BACK TO THE FINISH THE JOB.
Goosey: LOL
Sam: And sure enough, RinkChat in 1979 is the same as it always is.
ThePhan: LOL

Spending Life Living

Goosey: LOL WHAT
Goosey: So I'm opening this book to find the copyright date, and I glance at the very first page inside the cover and it's a brief biography of the author, D.H. Lawrence.
Goosey: The first sentence of the last paragraph is what catches my eye: "Lawrence spent most of his short life living."
Goosey: Oh, that's nice, did he spend part of it DEAD?
Goosey: The next sentence doesn't make it any better: "Nevertheless he produced an amazing quantity of work -- novels, stories, poems, plays, essays, travel books, translations and letters .. ."
Goosey: WRITING IS DEATH
ThePhan: Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: "He lived for most of his life, but he managed to write some books anyway."
ThePhan: That is amazing.
Goosey: I mean, I see what the writer here was TRYING to say "Lawrence had a busy life and did lots of other stuff besides writing" but it just comes off so FUNNY
ThePhan: It really does.

Eating a Video Game

Dave: Hahaha!
Dave: This just made Reddit front page: "Reddit, I have never eaten a video game. What are some tips..." blah blah blah.
Dave: Of course the person meant "BEATEN"
Sentynel: LOL
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: That's awesome.
Dave: But that one omitted letter got him over a thousand comments, all telling him the best way to break down a plastic cartridge/CD for ingestion, giving recipes for how to cook your DS games, and awesome stuff like that.
iwpg: LOL LOL LOL

The Most Comfortable Way to Write

Sentynel: https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/482379_10152634343220484_2050995136_n.jpg
Goosey: I think I shall buy them one at a time.
Sam: Wait, why would you want more than one anyway?
Goosey: I DO NOT KNOW lol
Dave: I want to write more than one novel.
Dave: Duh.
Sam: Surely they make software reusable.
Dave: Sam: Clearly this is not. You need a new copy for every novel you intend to write.
Dave: Also, make sure you write your novel laying on the couch on your stomach, with your face precariously perched on your fist while typing one handed.
Sam: I do.
Goosey: While somebody else is making tea in the backgroun
Goosey: d
Dave: I find that's the most comfortable way to write.
Dave: On the couch, in an uncomfortable position, while someone else is banging around in the kitchen.
Goosey: LOL

Palo Alto

* Sentynel makes rude gestures at PulseAudio
Sentynel: Everything works, except for the part where it locks up after five seconds, or alternatively just drops out after about two minutes.
* ThePhan read that as "Palo Alto" for some reason and wasn't sure what they did to deserve it.
Sentynel: Phan: The whole city keeps disappearing a few seconds after I visit.
Sentynel: It's really annoying.
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: I can see that being frustrating.
ThePhan: But probably terrifying for its inhabitants.

World's Cutest/Most Terrifying Frog

wintermute: http://www.itsokaytobesmart.com/post/43448823363/worlds-cutest-frog
Goosey: heeehehehe squeaky
Sentynel: I still think that thing is terrifying.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Sent: You're not alone.
ThePhan: You're not alone because THAT FROG IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU
Sentynel: *screen cuts to black with sound of furious squeaking*

Better Feathers

ThePhan: Two of my married friends have apparently decided having two Facebook accounts was just ridiculous, and they now have one of those accounts where the first name is both their names hyphenated.
* ThePhan is not a fan of when people do that.
Sam: I don't understand why you would.
Sam: Like, maybe I want to talk to one of you and not the other, but now I don't know who I'm gonna reach.
Sam: And what if you're interested in reading different things from your friends? Or maybe you want to read the same things, but now you can't track what you've seen and what you haven't.
Kalimeris: BESIDES, then you don't get to have a cool "married to ________" link on your profile. Relationship status is the best part of facebook!
Kalimeris: THE. BEST. PART. hehehe
ThePhan: Kali: LOL
Goosey: I haven't had a relationship status change since before Facebook was invented.
Goosey: So yeah. I'd vote that there are better feathers
Goosey: *features
ThePhan: LOL, I was trying to figure out what you meant.
Goosey: hehehe
Goosey: FACEBOOK HAD TEH BETS FATHERS
Goosey: *FEATHERS
Goosey: LAZORRA WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME
ThePhan: LOL LOL
ThePhan: The new Facebook spinoff: "Fathers and Feathers."

Kalilike

Kalimeris has left.
ThePhan: KALIMERIS LEFT I FORGOT TO TELL HER I HAD A DREAM ABOUT HER THE OTHER NIGHT
ThePhan: It was a weird one.
Sam: Did she say, "Life ain't nuthin' but big bucks and a big bad bottle of beer!" ?
ThePhan: I found out her real last name was Kalilike. And I started abbreviating her last name to just "Like" because I said I wanted to "like Like" on Facebook all the time. And then I started thinking of all these other things that sound like "like," and just kept saying all these nonsensical sentences at Kali, and she was getting annoyed.
Goosey: LOL LOL
Sam: That doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely.
ThePhan: I also dreamed I invited her to my wedding, but she was living at home, and her mom got the save-the-date, thought Kali was dead for some reason, and forwarded it to a nonexistent United States state (its postal abbreviation was SO) because that's where she thought Kali was buried.
ThePhan: I asked Kali about this, and she was like, "Yeah, my mom does that all the time. It's getting really annoying."
Sam: You used to have catchy dreams.
Sam: "I like to flirt...with dirt."
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: I forgot about flirting with dirt.

The Book of Mormon

Sentynel: Yikes. The Book of Mormon has just opened in London. I had a look, and it's pretty much sold out until June at £50-£100 a ticket.
ThePhan: It was almost equally crazy out here in its first year.
Goosey: LOL I always think of the book instead of the musical, so my initial reaction was "I'm pretty sure one has been opened there before"
ThePhan: LOL
Randy: hehe
ThePhan: It's okay, I *always* think of the musical first.
ThePhan: Which is funny, since the book's been around much longer.
Goosey: Exactly, hehehe
Sentynel: Phan: You mean it wasn't named after the musical? Huh.
ThePhan: But somebody will be like, "The Book of Mormon says..." and I'll be like, "What? No, it doesn't. Oh, wait. They probably mean the actual book."
ThePhan: Sent: LOL
Goosey: LOL!
ThePhan: It's good publicity to rename your religious books after hit musicals. But since Christianity's always just a bit behind the pop culture times, we've just gotten around to renaming the Bible "Cats."
Goosey: LOL!!

Why Would They Let Me Send Message?

ThePhan: Sigh. So on Facebook, if you send a message to a non-friend, it automatically goes to their "other" folder rather than their inbox, to cut down on spam.
ThePhan: Recently FB started offering to let you pay $1 to redirect the message to the inbox instead.
ThePhan: A group of friends on FB are completely freaking out about it.
ThePhan: "Why would they let me send message?"
ThePhan: Guys. It's doing THE EXACT SAME THING IT DID BEFORE. You only have to pay if you want it to do something DIFFERENT.
ThePhan: ...Uh.
ThePhan: I just looked up there and saw that I typed the wonderful sentence: "Why would they let me send message?"
ThePhan: The HECK happened to my English?
ThePhan: *Why won't they let me send a message?
ThePhan: That is what I meant to type.
Sentynel: I assumed that was a baffling quote.

Converting

Sentynel: Actually, I would just like to say that I appreciate the RinkChat-enabled opportunity to have sensible discussions about religion with people who are actually believers. I've always found it kinda fascinating, both in itself and in a social sense, and it's very difficult among the normals to have a sane discussion, recognising the parties' differences.
Sentynel: Without, y'know, people assuming I'm either attacking them or attempting to sign up, neither of which is the case.
ThePhan: WHAT I was only having this conversation with you because I thought you wanted to convert!
Sentynel: LOL
Sentynel: Sorry. I know you guys have a quota.
ThePhan: I guess it's just a conversation and not a convertsation, as we like to call it.
Sentynel: LOL LOL
ThePhan: (Rest assured, nobody likes to call it that.)

! Visitors

Sam: I don't understand how people can process web statistics usefully.
Sam: Every time I think they tell me something, I later decide it was just statistical noise.
Sam: I'm fairly certain, after studying yesterday's traffic stats carefully, that there were some numbers.
Sam: The number of ads I served was a number, as were the counts of page loads and unique visitors.
Sam: Not that past performance is indicative of future returns, but the way things are going I am reasonably confident that the page impression count for today will also turn out to be a number.
Dave: Sam: Don't be hasty. It could be a letter. Or even a symbol.
Dave: You might get } visitors today.
wintermute: Nah, it won't be more than :.
Dave: Imagine if you got ! visitors!
Sam: Rule!
wintermute: !
Sentynel: You could get i visitors.
Sam: Someday I might even get 1111111!!! visitors.
Sam: Or !!!!!!!!!!!11

The Phantom of the Opera: The Rom Com

ThePhan: ...Flickchart had The Phantom of the Opera listed as a romantic comedy.
Goosey: ...
ThePhan: I have alerted them so hopefully that will be fixed soon.
ThePhan: What a weird categorization.
Goosey: indeed
Ticia: Phan: No, it's hilarious.
Ticia: My favorite scene is when the Phantom gets the girl after the long, introspective flashback scenes of their relationship, while they're standing in the rain.
Goosey: LOL
Ticia: And then they kiss, and *sniff* it's just so sweet.
ThePhan: LOL
Randy: LOL
Randy: ITS A CLASSIC AND I GIVE IT A.......
Ticia: I really thought Christine was going to get on that plane, but the Phantom came and declared his love for her, and then ripped off his mask and was all "I don't care if people see me as I am. Because what I AM is in LOVE with a beautiful girl!"
Ticia: Made me cry.
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: SIGH
Goosey: sigh?
Sentynel: After staging a miraculous partial recovery right before the engineer showed up, and then returning to pretty much full capacity after the engineer tinkered a little, my internet connection speed has crashed and burned again.
ThePhan: Sentynel is also sighing over the beauty of the Phantom and Christine's love story.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Oh. Or that.
Sentynel: That too, of course.

Drinking Hot Chocolate

Dave: http://visual.ly/how-walk-ice
Goosey: Nice. A video would be helpful though
Goosey: But that's kind of how I do it -- toes first, leaning forward a bit. Seems to do the job.
Kalimeris: I do the toe thing! I also have ice cleats, which work pretty okay.
Dave: I don't go outside when it's icy.
Dave: Problem SOLVED.
Kalimeris: If you don't go outside you can drink hot chocolate.
Kalimeris: I think that is also a winning scenario.
Kalimeris: I guess you can drink it outside too. But. Meh.
Sam: DRINK IT OUTSIDE
Kalimeris: I WILL NOT.
Kalimeris: I WILL DRINK IT INSIDE AND WATCH CARTOONS THANK YOU.
Goosey: LOL
Kalimeris: :-)
Kalimeris: I suppose one could stand outside by a window and watch cartoons from outside while drinking the hot cocoa.
Kalimeris: Hrm. So many options.
Kalimeris: hehehe
ThePhan: I like to stand outside other people's homes drinking hot chocolate and watching their TV through the window.
ThePhan: That is how I make friends.

The Maids

Dave: Things I have started saying to myself: "Oops, I dripped some fat on the counter getting my steak out of the grill. Oh, that's ok. THE MAIDS come soon."
Maryam: LOL
Goosey: LOL
Randy: lol
Sam: Dave: LOL
Sam: Question: Have you hired maid service? Your answer will determine exactly how funny that is.
Dave: Yes, I have.
Dave: Molly Maids comes twice a month.
Sam: I kind of wish you'd said no. Because then it would have been even funnier. In that sort of Garfield-Minus-Garfield would-be-creepy-except-that-it's-wholly-unthreatening way.
Goosey: LOL
Sam: Jon: "Oops, I dripped some fat on the counter getting my steak out of the grill. Oh, that's ok. THE MAIDS come soon." // Second panel: (blank) // Third panel: (blank) // By Jim Davis

Who Should Use Coat Racks

ThePhan: Textbroker is a fun side-money-maker, but it's always awkward trying to fit ads for tires in the middle of "Top 10 Nicolas Cage Movies" lists...
Sentynel: LOL
Sentynel: That sounds like it'd be a bit of a non-sequiteur, yes.
ThePhan: And the instructions are all like, "Make sure the keywords fit in naturally."
ThePhan: NO SUCH POSSIBILITY EXISTS
Sentynel: LOL
Nyperold: Somewhere near Drive Angry?
Nyperold: Which probably tells you I haven't read the list...
ThePhan: OK, and now there are a whole bunch of articles with these instructions: "Please write an informative, detailed and interesting description concerning the subject of the title. What is it? How is it used? Who should use it? When to use it? And why? How does it compare to other similar products? What to look for when buying one? What are the benefits?"
ThePhan: These articles are titled things like "Coat Racks," "Briefcases," and "Children's Bookcases."
ThePhan: I'm not sure I can summon up 200 words to tell you who should use coat racks.
Goosey: LOL
Nyperold: "People with coats" too laconic for them?
Sentynel: People who aspire to large coat collections, but do not currently have anywhere to put them.
Nyperold: People who want to get information out of coats, but do not currently own suitable torture devices.
Sentynel: A common problem.

The Mind of a Spammer

TalkingDog: I got spam from an @ogdenrents.com address?
LaZorra: TD: Teu wamt upi tp ,pve tp Itaj?
LaZorra: er
LaZorra: *They want you to move to Utah?
Sentynel: Oh, I thought it meant his parents had moved to Utah.
TalkingDog: Elena says she likes my profile and wants me to reply at this other address with a .ru domain.
TalkingDog: "I hope, our dreams will come true also we probably we shall embody them in the validity."
LaZorra: There's nothing quite as disappointing as a dream embodied in invalidity.
Sentynel: It's an interesting insight into the mind of the spammer, though.
Sentynel: I can quite clearly hear the thought, translated from Russian of course, "fork it, Google Translate."

Everything Comes Down to Poo

ThePhan: One of these days I'm going to have a bunch of my friends share their "how we got together/fell in love/got married" stories on my blog. I'm fascinated by them. And now that, um, ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED OR GETTING MARRIED, I should have plenty of options. :-)
LaZorra: I would love to read that oo!
LaZorra: Er, substitute the consonant of your choice in that last word.
LaZorra: Except P.
ThePhan: You would love to read that poo?
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: *high five*
ThePhan: So Jacob's working third shift now, so I only get to talk to him on two of his breaks, and one of those is at 2 a.m.
ThePhan: I have realized that when we're both super tired, we talk about poop A LOT.
LaZorra: LOL LOL
LaZorra: EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO POO
ThePhan: IT DOES AT 2 OR 3 IN THE MORNING
ThePhan: Overall, the job shift is probably better for him.
ThePhan: But I'll miss talking to him on his way home every night.
ThePhan: Because I am not waking up at 6 in the morning to talk about poop with him.
LaZorra: This is not a good sign for potential parenthood.
ThePhan: LOL LOL

More Exclamation Marks

ThePhan: For any of you who don't keep up with my blog but might be interested in this, I just posted the second of probably a three-part series looking at the marvelous reviews of Jessie.
ThePhan: http://unpublishedforareason.blogspot.com/2013/02/movie-reviews-by-jessie-part-2.html
Sam: TP: Hey, with that American In Paris review, is that the right number of exclamation marks at the end? Because my version of that review, as scraped by my data-mining script, just has two. This may mean she went back in and edited the review later JUST to add lots more exclamation marks.
Randy: hehe
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: That's definitely the right amount.
ThePhan: I really hope that's what happened.
ThePhan: She was rereading her reviews and thought, "I really REALLY mean this one."
Maryam: LOL

Star-Studded

ThePhan: Watching last night's American Idol. It's Hollywood Week, so we're not even to the voting rounds yet, and they've just informed us that after the break we'll see "some of the most star-studded performances yet."
ThePhan: I don't think they know what star-studded means.
ThePhan: None of these people are stars yet. They're all still auditioning.
ThePhan: Unless they're bringing other musical stars out to sing with them. That would be awesome and unexpected.
ThePhan: But I think they just don't know how English works.
ThePhan: Even if they *were* stars, they're only singing one at a time.
ThePhan: HOW CAN A PERFORMANCE BE STAR-STUDDED WITH ONLY ONE NOT-STAR SINGING THEM?
Ticia: No, their costumes will have stars with studs on them.
ThePhan: Ticia: That better be the answer.
Ticia: Oooh. maybe they're having studs... hot guy, that is, dressed *only* in stars.
Ticia: Mmm hmmm

The Monster at the End of the Book

Randy: They made another Monster at the End of the Book...with Elmo.
Maryam: I know, and it makes me sad.
Dave: WHAT
Dave: THAT IS BAD
Dave: THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THE BOOK IS LOVABLE FURRY OLD GROVER
ThePhan: I hope Elmo gets to the end of the book and Grover is there.
ThePhan: That would be awesome.
Ticia: I hope Elmo gets to the end and gets chopped up and dismembered by Grover.
Randy: WHO IS THE MONSTER NOW ELMO
Ticia: Mwa ha ha

Elizabeth's Movie Titles

Ticia: I refuse to believe that life at ThePhan's is anything but wacky siblings saying crazy stuff, and hijinks. And shenanigans.
TalkingDog: I would watch that as a reality show. "ThePhamily".
TalkingDog: (You see what I did there? I am the cleverest hamster.)
Goosey: LOL!
Goosey: I'd totally watch that too :)
.
.
.
ThePhan: And I see you people were discussing life at my house.
ThePhan: You're pretty much right.
ThePhan: Except it's also a lot of sitting around making lists of favorite movies and stuff.
Goosey: hehehe
Goosey: I'd still watch it.
Goosey: Because in the middle of a movie list Elizabeth will forget the words of a title and come up with something hilariously absurd
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: Yes.
ThePhan: The other day I was talking to her about that and she was like, "I can remember movie titles!" and I said, "Oh, yeah? Then think of a movie and tell me what it's called."
ThePhan: So she goes, "Um... that French one."
ThePhan: "What French one?"
ThePhan: "It has a guy and a girl, and there's a mean guy."
ThePhan: "Um. Is it an old one?"
ThePhan: "Yes."
ThePhan: "Is it in black and white?"
ThePhan: "No."
ThePhan: "Have I seen it?"
ThePhan: "I don't know."
ThePhan: "Have you seen it?"
ThePhan: "No."
ThePhan: "Wait, then... how do you know what it is?"
TalkingDog: bwa?
ThePhan: "I saw something about it somewhere."
ThePhan: "Are you sure it's French?"
ThePhan: "Maybe."
ThePhan: "What's it about?"
ThePhan: "I don't know."
ThePhan: "So is there even a guy and a girl and a mean guy?"
ThePhan: "Well, I mean, there's ALWAYS a mean guy."
ThePhan: We still have no idea what she was talking about. She may have made the whole thing up.
Ticia: HAHA
Goosey: LOL LOL