Explicit Ducks

goldfishy: I think this has to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen: "Warning: explicit duck video"
goldfishy: Ok the filter screwed with that
Nyperold: Not Safe For WAK
Sentynel: Explicit ducks are fine. It's the implied ones you have to watch out for.

Seth's Dating Plan

ThePhan: Seth has decided that his four sisters are going to date every man in the world. I'm so not okay with this plan. Even if we divide them up evenly and I only have to date a fourth of them.
TalkingDog: What if you dated them all at the same time? Get it out of the way in one shot.
wintermute: That's less than a billion guys.
ThePhan: TD: I figured if I spread them out, though, I wouldn't have to pay for another meal the rest of my life.
wintermute: Do you get to discount married, gay or underage guys? That would probably drop it down to a few hundred million.
Randy: TP: So you're saying you will finally go out with me?
goldfishy: But then unfortunately the underage guys will become of age
ThePhan: wm: I think they're included in this.
ThePhan: Randy: LOL... Either me or one of my sisters!
TalkingDog: If you start at the top and work your way down, they'll be of age by the time you get to 'em. But that means you have to date old guys first.
goldfishy: What if the guy has a girlfriend?
wintermute: Hrm. Well, if you date one guy a day, you'll finish in... 2.5 million years, give or take.
ThePhan: goldfishy: Not sure how that works. I think she should probably come along so she knows I have no interest in stealing her man, I just have to date him because my eight-year-old brother told me I had to.
ThePhan: wm: Hmm.
wintermute: I can see no possible argument against the "an eight-year-old boy told me to" gambit.
goldfishy: This is a complicated situation - I guess the foreign ones will be awkward because you'll just sit there in silence
TalkingDog: Unless another 8-year-old says not to.
wintermute: What if she gets double-dog dared?
TalkingDog: Then it's too late.
Randy: oooh
ThePhan: goldfishy: Yeah. Maybe I can date some translators at the same time.
goldfishy: Oh yeah and then you're kinda on a date with both of them so getting through the list quicker - good thinking!
Randy: Speed dates!
wintermute: If every date only lasts 10 minutes, you'll get through all the guys in the world in a little under 190 years!
goldfishy: I thought speed dating was 3 minutes with each person
wintermute: I imagine it varies.
wintermute: However, I have no first-hand knowledge.
goldfishy: Me either but all references I have heard I thought mentioned 3 minutes - and lets face it - if you are in Phan's situation you will want the shortest time possible
wintermute: That's true.
wintermute: However, I see little point in dating, if you're never going to have time for a second date, if you meant someone awesome...
goldfishy: Well in that case I guess Seth would have to ok it
wintermute: Of course, the 190 years I cited didn't include time to sleep...
Sam: TP: I'll pencil you in for 3:35pm - 3:45pm on January 26, 2017.

QuotesBot

* SirDude thinks about something. Would a QuotesBot be a good UBT bot?
Randy: What kind of quotes?
SirDude: Famous ones, probably
SirDude: Or maybe we could scrounge enough quotes from RinkChat
Randy: hmm
LaZorra: Complete the RinkQuote: "Hey, there's _____ in here!"
LaZorra: Complete the RinkQuote: "Stop sucking my _____!"
LaZorra: Er. Wait.
LaZorra: That would probably NOT be the ideal word to omit from that quote.
ThePhan: LZ: I have a feeling that finishing that sentence would suck the cuteness out of the chatroom.

Facial

Sam: Maybe it's time to update the LaZ typos page.
.
.
.
[RinkChat] User LaZorra has been labeled 'unquestioned authority on facial' by LaZorra.
LaZorra: awww
Sam: Once again, my newly updated typo list is out of date.
ThePhan: LaZorra, I need a facial, and I hear you are the unquestioned authority.
LaZorra: TP: I recommend rupping your face with eggs, dusting on some flour, and then baking in the oven for about an hour.
Sam: *ripping
ThePhan: Eeep.
* ThePhan obediently does her bed, but she's not sure how well the eggs are going to rup her face. Or rip it. Or whatever.
ThePhan: Er.
ThePhan: I think that was supposed to be "best," not "bed."
Sam: LOL
ThePhan: But I'm not sure because I don't remember typing the entire first half of that sentence.
Sam: Tell bed I say hi.
goldfishy: Ok people - DON'T READ THE TYPOS - THEY ARE HGHLY CONTAGIOSU
goldfishy: stuff
goldfishy: *Contagious
Sam: LOL LOL
ThePhan: NO KIDDING
[RinkChat] The chat room's topic has been changed to 'RUP YOUR FACE WITH EGGS!' by Sam.
ThePhan: Eggs. Um.
* LaZorra came back to the buffer and almost snorted darjeeling out of her nose.
goldfishy: I wonder if that would be good for clearing out your sinuses
* ThePhan read that as "started darjeeling out of her nose" and sat here wondering how one darjeels.

Sinbad and Shakespeare

(About a performance final making me nervous)

Goosey: Just imagine the cast of Sinbad is watching you.
Randy: Mrgle
Goosey: Wait, never mind. That will give you nightmares.
ThePhan: LOL
ThePhan: No, no...
ThePhan: I will imagine they are all enrolled in the class with me.
ThePhan: Then I will be far from the worst one in there.
Goosey: LOL YES
ThePhan: I would love to see any single one of them do a Shakespearean sonnet, which is part of our final performance.
ThePhan: I can't even choose who I would want to see do that most.
Goosey: Hehehehehe.
Goosey: The inventor-guy.
ThePhan: Jaffar.... Sinbad... Soukra... Poochie...
ThePhan: Right! Nadir...
Lirelyn: Wow. That would be AWESOME.
Lirelyn: "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Gosh, it's beautiful."

Broom Attack

(About a project where the students I worked with were supposed to write and film a TV soap opera or sitcom)

ThePhan: My favorite part in that whole assignment was the time where they were trying to figure out how the main guy could knock out the killer with something lying around a hospital, so I suggested a broom from a janitor's closet or something.
ThePhan: When it came to taping, the guy misunderstood what I meant and hit her in the head with the soft bristly part of the broom.
ThePhan: She obediently fell to the floor unconscious.

WHY AM I STILL AWAKE

LaZorra: I just started typing "WHY AM I STILL AWAKE" in the URL bar.
ThePhan: LZ: Did you get an answer?
Goosey: Phan: Of course. Google directed her to RinkWorks.

Drive-By Chatting

Tereglith has entered.
ThePhan: Hey Tereglith.
Tereglith: hello
Tereglith: I came here a lo-o-ong time ago.
Tereglith has left.
* Counterpoint feels like he just watched Halley's Comet come and go.

The Christmas Shoes

Lirelyn: Oh my gosh, I just watched the Christmas Shoes video.
Lirelyn: When the children's choir started singing, I about DIED.
Lirelyn: It's like somebody put together every soppy thing they could think of, wrapped it in tinsel, and gave it a bad country voice.

(We discuss the terrors of it for awhile)

Lirelyn: The ONLY people I can imagine liking it are middle-aged women.
ThePhan: Maybe teenage girls, given the similarity between it and stories found on MySpace bulletins.
Lirelyn: Hm. Maybe.
Lirelyn: But I don't think it's sexy enough for teenage girls. There would need to be a young man dying.
ThePhan: OH WAIT
ThePhan: It's a teenage boy, buying the shoes for his girlfriend.
Lirelyn: YES
Lirelyn: LET US WRITE THE SONG
Lirelyn: WE WILL BE MILLIONAIRES
Randy has entered.
ThePhan: BILLIONAIRES if we make them vampires!
Lirelyn: YES!!!
Randy: Hallo!
Lirelyn: Hi Randy!
ThePhan: "She's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes would make her smile, and I want her to look beautiful if someone stabs her with a wooden stake toniiiiiight..."
Lirelyn: LOL LOL LOL
* Randy loves all of you

Mattress

Goosey: So Ifigure the cost of materials can't be that much, so why not makemy own?
Randy: Can you male a mattress?
Goosey: O.O
Randy: LOL
Randy: make!
ThePhan: DON'T MALE IT
Goosey: LOL
Goosey: Yeah. Gender should NOT be a verb.
Randy: AT first I was wondering what your were O.O'ing at.

Soviet Russia

Nyperold: In America, you are the subject of the verb, with relation to its object. In Soviet Russia, the object of the verb is YOU!

Poemideas

Goosey: Phan: You take much faster showers than I do.
ThePhan: Heh. It's because I don't like them very much. I always feel like I'm missing stuff. So I clean up as fast as I possibly can.
Randy: TP: Me too!
Randy: Except the times when I get songs in my head or poemideas or whatever
ThePhan: LOL, I'm trying to read "poemideas" as one word and it just keeps rhyming with "chlamydia" in my head.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Then I got it.
ThePhan: Er.
Randy: LOL LOL!!!
ThePhan: I got the concept of "poemideas."
* ThePhan probably should not have phrased it like that...

Coffee Tub

Rainbow: Oh hey, there's a coffee maker in the lab.
* ThePhan read "in the tub."
ThePhan: I do not recommend that.
Randy: Maybe off to the side, but not in the tub
ThePhan: "But with a tub you can make SO MUCH MORE COFFEE!"
Randy: A whole tub filled with espresso would be just about enough.
LaZorra: A TUB OF COFFEE

Radiatio

Maryam: Why does the mud have radiatioactive tunnels all through it?
Maryam: Um, radioactive.
Goosey: LOL
Sam: Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him RADIATIO!
Goosey: LOL LOL
ThePhan: LOL
Maryam: That sounds like a supervillain, but he'd totally suck because he'd be constantly giving the heroes new powers by accident.
Sam: LOL LOL
ThePhan: Maryam: LOL LOL LOL
Sam: WE NEED THAT MOVIE NOW.
Goosey: LOL LOL LOL
Randy: LOL LOL!
Sam: Radiatio: "You'll never defeat me!!!!!" // Hero: "Oh yes, I will! Now that you've accidentally given me the superpower of being able to shoot LASERS out of OTHER PEOPLE'S EYES."

Mud Masking

Goosey: I have green mud all over my face.
Goosey: Ooer. And it's starting to tighten!
* Sam puts slices of cucumbers over Goosey's eyes.
* Sam, unbeknownst to Goosey, has drawn pictures of the EET YOR HED monster on the insides of the cucumbers.
Goosey: AAHHHHH
Goosey: LOL
Sam: He appears in 3D!
Sam: I EET YOR MUD
Goosey: LOL LOL
Sam: NOM NOM NOM
* Goosey actually does laugh out loud, cracking her mask.
Sam: Goosey: Sorry. Flip the cucumber slices over, and you'll be okay.
Maryam: Goosey: That doesn't ruin it, does it?
Goosey: Maryam: Nah.
* Sam, unbeknownst to Goosey, put pictures of Charlie
Sam: ...Fairy on the other side.
* Randy makes a salad, but needs some cucumbers...
Goosey: LOL LOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
* Goosey throws the cucumber slices at Randy.
Randy: Wait, I HATE cucumbers!
* Randy throws them back!
Sam: Randy: The green mud makes them go down easier.
Goosey: Bleh.
Sam: Goosey: Can you post a picture of yourself with your mud mask?
Goosey: Hehehe, no. No camera
Goosey: But if I get one for Christmas, I'll take a picture just for you.
Goosey: I don't believe it -- it's getting even tighter. Feels SO weird.
Sam: I JUST GOT BACK!
Sam: *pant*pant*pant*
Sam: I snapped this photo through Goosey's window.
Sam: http://www.rinkworks.com/rinkchat/goosey_mud.png
Goosey: ???
Goosey: LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
Sam: Looks like the cucumbers are EET-side-down again.
Randy: FROM WHERE?
ThePhan: LOL LOL LOL
Randy: LOL
Sam: Is this Prince Charming's first mud mask?
Goosey: Of course not. How else does his face stay so smooth and young?
ThePhan: And did you put it on him THROUGH the packaging?
Sam: Goosey: But he's not that old. A mere 400 years or so.
.
.
.
Randy: That's why I stopped buying Levos jeans.
Maryam: Levos?
Randy: A silly knock off of Levi's
Maryam: Wait, that exists?
Sam: It does?
Maryam: Yeesh.
Randy: NO I MADE UP
Maryam: OH. Ok.
Sam: Randy: You're made up as what?
Sam: PRINCE CHARMING, I'LL BET.
Sam: IN A BOX.
Randy: LOL
Randy: uh...
ThePhan: It makes even less sense for Goosey to be holding Randy up to the window in her house.
Sam: TP: I agree. Clearly they made me when I was sneaking around and decided to play along by posing for the picture.
Goosey: LOL LOL LOL
Randy:
Sam: I'll have to sneak back and try to get a more candid shot.
Goosey:
Randy: Goosey: Quick, hide me!
Goosey: Hide YOU?
* Goosey hides herself!
Randy: meep!
* Randy puts on some camo
ThePhan: Oh, great. Now he's going to be Prince CamouFairy.
.
.
.
Sam: http://www.rinkworks.com/rinkchat/goosey_mud2.png
Randy: What the what what?
ThePhan: Sam: So now Goosey's frolicking outside in daylight at like 10 at night her time? With TWO mud-masked friends?
Goosey: AAHHHHH LOL LOL
Sam: TP: Well, it's earlier in mountain time than where we are.
ThePhan: Sunlight works differently in Utah, I guess.
Sam: All I know is, pictures don't lie.
Goosey: THAT PICTURE LIES
Randy: LOL
Goosey: Andwhat is that on Asian Strong Man'shead?
Sam: Goosey leads a secret life holding mudmask parties for wannabe jocks and known criminals.
Sam: Goosey: A baseball cap with a picture of a tomato on it. You oughta know better than me.
ThePhan: Gasp! Is Goosey the leader of the infamous Mud Masking Cult?

Various Artist

ThePhan: I get very impatient with people who lack basic courtesy in various artist..
Goosey: In what?
ThePhan: Er.
ThePhan: I CAN'T TYPE
ThePhan: Areas, not artist.
ThePhan: heh
Revan: Ah, that makes more sense.
Randy: LOL!
Goosey: LOL
Nyperold: Tag your music a lot, do you?

Mental Images

Goosey: LAZORRA WHY DO YOU ALWAYS COME IN JUST AS I NEED TO LEAVE
LaZorra: BECAUSE CLEARLY I AM SNUBBING YOU
Randy: awww
Goosey: OH NOES NOT THE LAZORRA SNUB
* Goosey dies
* Counterpoint snubs ... someone?
Goosey: *gurgle*
Counterpoint has left.
LaZorra: PUMP SNUB INTO GOOSEy
Goosey is back.
Goosey: Bye all.
Goosey has left.
Randy: That was quick...
goldfishy: Goosey flies faster than a speeding bullet
Randy: LOL
ThePhan: I got this mental image of Goosey hooked up to like bike pump and LaZorra using it to inflate her.... and then she says, "Bye all!" and zooms away flying all over the place like a deflating balloon.
Randy: That is incredible awesome
LaZorra: TP: LOL LOL LOL *dies*
Randy: er, incredibly
goldfishy: And because I have no idea what either of them look like I have a great cartoon image of a blown up goose and a female Zorro standing by looking smug
goldfishy: Sometimes my brain is fun
ThePhan: LOL
* Randy loves loves LOVES you people
LaZorra: GOLDIE THAT ROCKS
Randy: Goosey could draw that
ThePhan: LOL LOL LOL
ThePhan: SHE MUST

Big Bang!

Randy: BIGBANG
wintermute: BIG BANG!
wintermute is away.
gremlinn: Stop making new universes in chat.
Randy: LOL
gremlinn: Every time that happens, I have to sit through 14 billion more years to get back to where I was.

(They are, for those who do not know, referring to the TV show "The Big Bang Theory.")

Scraping

* Leen heard Sam scraping and scraping at the windshield this morning, and felt bad for him.
LaZorra: It's his own damn fault for refusing to move to the West Coast.
Leen: hahah
iwpg: Leen: I initially thought you meant he was trying to get in, and wondered if you meant to say one of the cats.
Leen: hahahaha
Leen: *dies*
LaZorra: LOL LOL LOL
Leen: I got a visual image of that, and it so cracked me up.
* LaZorra loses it in the computer lab.
LaZorra: ME TOO

SillyPhan

LaZorra: I got invited to a journalism education summit-type thing.
LaZorra: The dean of the Cronkite school is taking six faculty and four students.
LaZorra: And I'm like :-0
Randy: Wow! That is awesome!
10Kan: Congratulations!
ThePhan: Wow!
* ThePhan chants, "La! Zor! Ra! La! Zor! Ra!"
LaZorra: TP: LOL LOL
LaZorra: Thanks, guys!
ThePhan: I am quite possibly very silly just now. Just so everyone knows. I haven't slept yet. That gets to happen after lunch. Which I am eating now.
* 10Kan likes SillyPhan.
ThePhan: Heh
Randy: SillyPhan rules
ThePhan: SillyPhan MIGHT be indistinguishable from NormalPhan. I'm not sure yet.
Randy: LOL
10Kan: It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, except the serum is SLEEP.
* LaZorra thinks about how to split Phan's name and comes up with, "The! Phuh! An!" Erm.
LaZorra: 10K: LOL aww!
gremlinn has entered.
10Kan: "Phan-phan! The Phan! Who Phan? We Phan!"
ThePhan: You Phan?
ThePhan: The serum literally split me!
10Kan: We all have a little Phan in us.
gremlinn: I knew I shouldn't have come over for dinner.
ThePhan: LOL
Randy: errp

Little Drummer Boy

ThePhan: I keep typing "The Little Drummer Boy" as "The Little Dummer Boy."
ThePhan: The sad story of the boy who was not as smart as the rest of them.

Be Carfuel

Goosey: Also: Trying to type "Be careful" started with "Becauseful" and then "Be carfuel"
* LaZorra dumps zyzzyva into her Mr. Fusion.
zyzzyva: ?
LaZorra: It's what powers the DeLorean at the end of Back to the Future.
Goosey: zyz: You are now car fuel.
zyzzyva: Oh. That makes sense.
* zyzzyva powers a car.
ThePhan: Only in RinkChat does it clarify things to patiently explain to you that you are car fuel.

The Goosey

This all took place via private message between the three of us, but instead of presenting an overwhelmingly green post, I'm reformatting it like it was a normal chat convo.

Goosey: I just realized my name should be, like, LeGoosey or something, to match you guys.
LaZorra: LOL!! Oui oui.
ThePhan: Not LeGoosey. That makes you a man.
Goosey: LOL really? oops.
ThePhan: In French, anyway.
Goosey: should be what? L'Goosey?
ThePhan: Well, in French it is also "la." Let me check some other languages.
ThePhan: "Die" is the feminine "The" in German. But "DieGoosey" is a terrible handle in English.
Goosey: Yeah it is! I no wanna die!
LaZorra: DIE GOOSEY
ThePhan: "Die Gans" is "The Goose" in German. You can be DieGansy.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: Incidentally it becomes "L'oie" in French. THAT is a fun word.
LaZorra: L'OY!
Goosey: L'OL!
ThePhan: In Italian: "L'oca."
Goosey: Livin' la vida l'oca!
ThePhan: In Portuguese: "O ganso." It makes me want to sing "O ganso tree, o ganso tree, how gooselike are your branches."

(A few moments later, in the public room)

Goosey: I need "Commentationis de partibus comoediarum Graecarum particula :▼bdissertatio inauguralis philologica" translated into English, and the dictionaries I'm using are USELESS
[->Goosey, LaZorra] Wow! What a coincidence! That translates as "O ganso tree, o ganso tree, how gooselike are your branches"! Who'd have thought?
*LaZorra->Goosey, ThePhan* LOL LOL LOL aaahahhh
*Goosey->LaZorra, ThePhan* LOL
LaZorra: "The Greek comedies' use of political commentary was the beginnings of such philosophy."
TalkingDog: Expecto patronum.
LaZorra: Of course, I also still believe that BG translated "Carpe diem" correctly when she said it meant "Die like a fish."
Goosey: LOL
zyzzyva: LOL
[->Goosey, LaZorra] ...."DieFishy!"
*Goosey->ThePhan, LaZorra* LOL
[->Goosey, LaZorra] Man, everything I see keeps coming back to that conversation.

Goosey Is Mean

* Goosey HUGS ThePhan!
* ThePhan HUGS Goosey!
* LaZorra HUGS Goosey!
Goosey has left.
LaZorra: I HAVE BEEN SNUBBED
* ThePhan HUGS LaZorra, since Goosey is a cold, cold person!

Beat!

Goosey: Okay! Heading to work! Laters!
Sam: EVERYONE IS HERE.
Goosey: BUT SOON I WILL NOT BE HERE
ThePhan: Soon Goosey will not be here.
ThePhan: Goosey beat.
Goosey: BEAT HAHAHAHAHA
Goosey: Oh, you beat my beat

Schoolhomed

ThePhan: I walked barefoot to school.
ThePhan: All through high school.
Randy: From the upstairs to the downstairs?
ThePhan: Yup!
ThePhan: Okay, I sometimes wore socks or slippers.
goldfishy: Home schooled?
ThePhan: Yeah.
gremlinn: That's all the school they had, back in her day!
ThePhan: Hehe
10Kan: Actually, Phan was Schoolhomed.
10Kan: She slept in a locker every night!

Night

RiftTraveler: Good night all, I hope you all have a wonderful evening/night!
gremlinn: Night!
Goosey: Night!
ThePhan: Night!
gremlinn: 3 votes for night. It's unanimous. Sorry, evening!

Lysistrata and Trail Mix

ThePhan: So a girl in my design class was trying to sum up the plot of Lysistrata today.
ThePhan: "Isn't that the play where the woman get control by refusing to stop having sex with their husbands?"
ThePhan: It would have worked fine if she had taken out the "refusing to." Or the "stop" (and change the "having" to "have" so it's grammatically correct). But with both negatives in there, you've got a whole different story.
zyzzyva: That new, updated plot sounds like something I would never want to see.
ThePhan: It's almost the plot of the last 30 minutes or so Rocky Horror. Except that one has some songs in it.
Randy: LOL LOL
* LaZorra comes back to the chat window and almost loses it.
LaZorra: I'm glad I was just able to hold it in, because trail mix out the nose sounds really painful.
ThePhan: Trail mix with CARROTS!
Randy: hehehehe
TalkingDog: If LaZorra was a snow woman, would noses come out of her carrot?
LaZorra has left.
zyzzyva: Only if she ate noses.
TalkingDog: I hope I didn't just kill her laughing.

I Think I'm Crashing

Randy: I think I'm crashing
ThePhan: That sounds like the lyric to an emo song.
Randy: LOL
Randy: We should totally write a song called that
ThePhan: hallo i am a teenager and i am talking about teh crashing
Randy: "My life is so sad...Ihate my dad...I feel like being bad...oh no i think I'm crashing"
Ghost of Sam: Hannah Montana's at the mall...she's so cute because she's small...why oh why am I so tall?...death and crashing, that is all.