Lord of the Dum-Dums

LaZorra: I bought 270 Dum-Dums for $10. O.o

LaZorra: HOW CAN YOU EVEN MAKE THINGS THAT CHEAPLY

TalkingDog: DUMDUMZ

TalkingDog: With awesome sauce.

Goosey: That's, what? 3 cents a lollipop?

* ThePhan is going to go get some Dum-Dums from LaZorra right now, since it seems she can spare a few.

LaZorra: MINE

LaZorra: MY DUMDUMS

Goosey: LOL

LaZorra: MY PRECIOUSSSSSSS

Goosey: LOL LOL

Goosey: LaZ: Now I want someone to take a picture of you crouched all Gollum-like over your bag of dumdums.

LaZorra: Goosey: LOL LOL

ThePhan: Frodo must take the one Dum Dum to rule them all to Mordor, and throw it into the fires of Mount Doom.

ThePhan: That's my NaNo this year. Right there.

LaZorra: TP: LOL

Goosey: LOL LOL

Goosey: DO IT

LaZorra: That would be awesome. Candyland meets LOTR.

LaZorra: Instead of orcs, Sauron has giant hideous gingerbread men.

Goosey: Lorien is populated by Keebler Elves.

ThePhan: I also really like the image of Bilbo finding a Dum-Dum in Gollum's lair and just taking it. Because if you find a tiny lollipop in a creepy dark cave, THAT'S something you'll want to eat. Or just hold onto for years.

Goosey: LOL

LaZorra: LOL

ThePhan: And what would constitute "wearing" it? At Bilbo's birthday party, does he just casually unwrap this Dum-Dum and put it in his mouth so he can disappear? And if that's the case, wouldn't it be down to almost nothing by the end of the story?

Nyperold: Each bite makes you invisible for as long as the plot requires?

Nyperold: Or lick?

LaZorra: ewwwwwwwwwwewewewewewewGROSS

* ThePhan does not overthink anything, what are you talking about?

LaZorra: I do like the idea of Gandalf trying to convince Bilbo to take the DumDum out of his mouth after the party and Bilbo stubbornly refusing.

LaZorra: Or Frodo, toward the end of the book, compulsively sticking it in his mouth against his own will.

ThePhan: LOL LOL

Nyperold: But makes you visible to Dum-Dum Wraiths?

Maryam: But how does Gollum bite it off?

LaZorra: Aragorn would be one of the Dumedain.

LaZorra: Maryam: Maybe he bites through the stick?

Maryam: Does he just, like, chomp Frodo's whole lower face?

LaZorra: LOL LOL LOL

ThePhan: Maryam beat. Gollum's finger-biting-off scene just got really disgusting.

Maryam: "And he was thereafter known as Frodo Half-face."

* LaZorra falls over laughing.

ThePhan: And thus was born the Phantom of the Opera.

Nyperold: Frodo offering it to Galadriel...

LaZorra: ONE DUM-DUM TO RULE THEM ALL

ThePhan: Faramir doesn't reject ownership of the Dum-Dum for any moral decision. He's just germaphobic.

LaZorra: Boromir, on the other hand, has an oral fixation.

Nyperold: And Tom Bombadil just doesn't think much of it.

Goosey: LOL

Goosey: Please tell me someone is transcribing this

* ThePhan is.

Maryam: You know, the ring fixation would suddenly make a lot more sense if it were a lollipop that was, say, laced with crack.

ThePhan: LOL

Goosey: LOL

LaZorra: Maryam: LOL

ThePhan: Sauron is an evil drug lord.

LaZorra: YES

LaZorra: Saruman makes his coke for him.

Maryam: Hobbit pipeweed is the gateway drug.

LaZorra: But he's secretly running stuff of his own, too.

LaZorra: LOL

Nyperold: So are the other "rings" things like Blow Pops?

Maryam: And the underground orc forgeries are meth labs.

Maryam: Forges.

Maryam: Whatever the word is.

LaZorra: ORC FORGERIES

LaZorra: THEY'RE INTO MONEY LAUNDERING TOO

* ThePhan didn't even catch that until Maryam mentioned it. Heh.

Maryam: LOL

* LaZorra either.