Dying Today

ThePhan: Hmm. I appear to have an itchy rash on my wrist. Probably I'm going to die.
Sentynel: Phan: It sounds like you've been checking WebMD.
TalkingDog: Itchywristrastuffis is dangerous. Especially if you wear an Irish wristwatch.
ThePhan: LOL to both Sent and TD.
TalkingDog: *Itchywristrash-itis
ThePhan: Oh. Hmm. I wonder if I was just lying on my wrist weirdly.
ThePhan: There appears to be a fingernail print in it, like I was inadvertently pressing the nails of one hand into the wrist of the other.
ThePhan: That would also explain how red it was. And its being itchy could just be a coincidence.
ThePhan: Looks like I won't be dying here today, folks.
Goosey: Yay not dying!
wintermute: Phan: To be fair, your heart could always explode unexpectedly.
wintermute: Or a bus could crash into your house.
ThePhan: True!
wintermute: In conclusion, you have a 85% chance of dying today.
ThePhan: ...That is a higher chance than I would have suspected.
Goosey: LOL
wintermute: I might have made a small error in the maths.

No Talking About Introversion

Sentynel: Phan: There is a minor typo in your new blog. Point 1 says "If you're talking about introversion/extroversion with someone, start with the assumption that they know the basics of what it's all about. If they don't, you can't tell them."
Sentynel: Which makes knowledge about introversion sound like Fight Club.
Sentynel: If they know already, you can talk to them. But if they don't know, you're not allowed to tell them.
ThePhan: Sent: LOL, thanks.
ThePhan: DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT INTROVERSION
ThePhan: It violates the very spirit of the thing.
Goosey: LOL
Dave: The first rule of introversion is we don't talk.

Enjoying J. L. Rothdiener's Books

ThePhan: Well, hey, I've found the problem with Skye: http://jlrothdiener.wordpress.com/about/
ThePhan: It says "This web-site is designed to help you understand and enjoy the books I have written."
ThePhan: But he never finished the website.
ThePhan: If he did, then I could understand his book.
Goosey: *snort*
ThePhan: And possibly even enjoy it.
Sentynel: It was probably hacked by the wives of communists.
Sentynel: LOL, the best bit of that site is the tag line.
Sentynel: "She was on a collision coarse with her past..."
ThePhan: OH GOSH
Goosey: Collision coarse!
Sentynel: I prefer fine collisions with my past.
Randy: LOL LOL
ThePhan: He can't even get the tagline for his own book right.
Goosey: hahhaaha
Nyperold: Your blog is doing a better job than his site, though probably not in the way he intended.
Goosey: hehehehe

I Still Like Your Necklace!

ThePhan: LOL, Mom just posted on a friend's wall reminding them of one of my favorite stories about kids in general.
ThePhan: My sister Elizabeth was babysitting for this friend's three kids.
ThePhan: One of them is a little girl who really enjoys Elizabeth's sense of style and is always telling her how beautiful her clothes, jewelry, hats, etc. are.
ThePhan: One day, this little girl got really mad at Elizabeth for not letting her do something.
ThePhan: She yelled, "WELL, I DON'T LIKE YOUR SHIRT!" and turned around and stomped out the doorway.
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: When she got to the door, she turned back around and yelled back, "BUT I STILL LIKE YOUR NECKLACE!"
Goosey: HAHAHAHAHA
Goosey: I LOVE KIDS
ThePhan: It was the most awesome half-insult ever.
Goosey: They are so frequently unintentionally hilarious
ThePhan: So every once in awhile Elizabeth will say that to one of us if she's pretending to be mad: "I don't like your shirt, but I still like your necklace!"
Goosey: hehehe

Bella's Hobbies

wintermute: Actual word-for-word conversation that just happened for real in this house:
wintermute: Bella: I'm borrrrrred.
wintermute: Amy: Well, what can you do?
wintermute: Bella: *thinks*
wintermute: Bella: Kill someone?
Goosey: O_O
ThePhan: LOL LOL
ThePhan: Oh my.
ThePhan: I think you need to help her rethink her hobbies.
TalkingDog: Yeah. You can't get ransom money for a dead person.

YOU ARE MINE

ThePhan: This lovely cheesy inspirational meme posted on Facebook was rather startling at the end, since it never specified who was telling me all these things: https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/1604737_10152188558843729_1207833884_n.jpg
ThePhan: Not to mention it suddenly being in all caps.
ThePhan: I felt like I had suddenly been abducted.
Goosey: LOL LOL
Goosey: Also, it really says "You are you are mine"
wintermute: cREEPY.
ThePhan: "You are YOU ARE MINE"
Goosey: hahaha
wintermute: You can almost taste the chloroform ;)
ThePhan: LOL LOL

The Polar Bear

Sentynel: The internet informs me it is so cold in Chicago they had to keep the polar bear inside.
Sentynel: At the zoo, I mean.
Sentynel: Crucial bit of that sentence missed.
Sentynel: Chicago doesn't just have a pet polar bear wandering around.
Sentynel: As far as I know.
Goosey: Hahahaha
Sentynel: Can you tell how little sleep I got last night?
iwpg: Every city should have one.
LaZorra: Sent: Indeed it is. The best story I've read about that referred to the bear by name, with the modifier, ".., the city bear,..."
Sentynel: LOL
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: That makes him sound like he lives in an apartment somewhere and commutes to work on the metro.
Goosey: hahaha
LaZorra: LOL
LaZorra: Yeah, basically.
LaZorra: I bet he had to cancel all his Monday meetings.
Sentynel: The local seal population must be very relieved.

Southern Accents

ThePhan: Sometimes my church in Illinois will sing old-timey southern Baptist hymns and southern gospel praise choruses.
ThePhan: I can't sing them in my normal accent.
ThePhan: I keep going southern.
ThePhan: Nobody else in the church does, so I'm not following their lead.
ThePhan: I just literally can't sing "I'll Fly Away" in a not-southern accent.
LaZorra: I'm not sure the phrase, "Oh, Glory" exists in other accents, Phan.

Hawaiian Is the Easiest Language

(Goosey has just come back from her Christmas vacation in Hawaii.)

Goosey: 9 in Hawaii is 6, so recognize my efforts to beat jet lag, thank you, hehe.
ThePhan: LOL, clearly *I* am not awake, because I interpreted "9 in Hawaii is 6" as that they just flip the number itself upside down and that's how you translate it into Hawaiian.
ThePhan: Hawaiian is the easiest language to learn. It's just English turned upside down.
Goosey: LOL LOL
Sentynel: You're thinking of Australian.
Goosey: LOL!
ThePhan: LOL

Conversations With Lydia

Maryam: Cameron's constant conversations (mostly involving Lydia) with Skyrim are amusing. "Lydia, you have no right to get mad at me when you walk in front of my lightning bolt."
Maryam: "Lydia, why did you decide to go swimming?"
Goosey: LOL
Maryam: "Lydia, why did you open the door and let the monster through?"
Goosey: hehehe
Sentynel: Yeah, I got frustrated with having a companion with me in Skyrim spectacularly quickly.
Maryam: Game says, "How may I serve you, my thane?" Cameron answers, "You can put your shoes back on."

Gas Prices

ThePhan: Ha, a FB post: "First time I have seen this gas is cheaper in Sterling than in Dixon $3.19 compare to $324 go figure"
ThePhan: That is MUCH cheaper.
Goosey: LOL
Sentynel: Man, I'm never complaining about our petrol prices again.
ThePhan: We're looking for a new car for the price of 4 gallons of gas in Dixon...
Sentynel: LOL, there's an Eastern European car brand called Skoda. They're actually really good now - they're owned by VW and basically just use VW parts - and I drive one, but when they first arrived in the UK, they were notorious for being hilariously terrible.
Sentynel: I bring this up because you reminded me of one of the jokes.
Sentynel: "How do you double the value of a Skoda?" "Fill it with petrol."
ThePhan: Hehehe
Sentynel: "What do you call a Skoda at the top of a hill?" "Impossible."
Sentynel: "What do you call a Skoda with an open sunroof?" "A skip."

Soft Mulch

ThePhan: I tried to send a text to Jacob ending with, "I miss you super much," because we got to spend like 10 days in a row together and now are completely spoiled and him going to work for eight hours feels like FOREVER.
ThePhan: However, my phone changed it to "I miss your soft mulch."
Goosey: LOL LOL
ThePhan: I have NO IDEA WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN.
Sentynel: LOL!
ThePhan: I can't even decide how euphemistic it's likely to be.
ThePhan: It's just nonsense.
* ThePhan is pretty sure she does not miss anyone's soft mulch.

Winged Soups

Maryam: The soup came out quite yummy. Better than I expected, in fact, since I had never made it before and was only using a recipe as sort of loose guidelines.
sessie: Yay!
Randy: sooooouuuppp
10Kan: Winged soups are the best.
10Kan: Especially clean-out-the-refrigerator soup.
Maryam: This had a bit of that, yeah.
iwpg: FLYING SOUP
10Kan: LOL
iwpg: (Took me a second to realise what you meant by "winged".)
10Kan: Flying soup usually ends with 2nd degree burns.
Randy: lol

Digital Doctoring

(I'm working on my weekly snarking of The Quest for Skye and sharing the worst bits.)

ThePhan: “What happened two months ago?” Morgan raised his eyebrows.
ThePhan: Lance stepped in. “Computer problems.”
ThePhan: “Like hacking?” Tammy inquired.
ThePhan: “You catch on pretty quick, Dr. Hamilton,” Lance responded.
ThePhan: ...What?
Sentynel: disgunbegood.gif
ThePhan: Are they treating their patients DIGITALLY?
ThePhan: Somehow?
Sentynel: Hackers are stealing their years of life!
ThePhan: HOW WOULD A HACKER SHORTEN HER LIFESPAN?
TalkingDog: It's all a simulation.
Nyperold: Somebody hacked into a machine she was hooked up to?
Sentynel: Man, I can't wait for this post now.
Nyperold: Or someone hacked into her and changed her lifespan.
Sentynel: TD: The Identity Matrix: a film about people trapped in a digital reality which is exactly the same as our own.
Nyperold: SHE WAS AN ANDROID ALL ALONG
TalkingDog: Ouch.
ThePhan: Nyp: LOL THAT WOULD BE THE BEST TWIST
Sentynel: TD: Critically panned after people figured out it's just a special case of The Matrix Revolutions.

Nyperold: We really need more secure firewalls on our children.

Ugly People Party

ThePhan: LOL, wha? This Christmas song is called "La Fiesta No Esta Para Feos," which means, "This Party Isn't For Ugly People."
Goosey: LOL
ThePhan: What a lovely holiday sentiment.
TalkingDog: That'd be cool if the twist was that the party for ugly people was across the street and much better.
ThePhan: TD: YES
ThePhan: Only the boring people go to the hot people party.
ThePhan: They're all wishing they could go to the ugly people party.