Arscience

[RinkChat] The chat room's topic has been changed to 'Please have a birthday muffin now. They contain no arsenic.' by LaZorra.
LaZorra: You know, the best way to freak people out is to emphasize the things that are true.
LaZorra: These muffins contain no arsenic!
LaZorra: This car has never been involved in a hit-and-run!
goldfishy: LaZorra is dangerous!
* Sentynel eats the muffins in small quantities, so if they do contain arsenic he builds up a tolerance.
* LaZorra is a little fluffy ball of innocence, what do you mean?
* ThePhan builds up a tolerance to muffins.
LaZorra: LOL
Sentynel: Phan: That would be awful.
goldfishy: There is nothing innocent about your fluffliness
ThePhan: ...I broke a 2-hour idle to say *that*?
LaZorra: Phan: I figured you'd been working on it all this time.
ThePhan: LOL
LaZorra: goldie: Things that are fluffly are by nature innocent. I think.
ThePhan: Yeah. Long before you guys actually were talking about muffins with arsenci.
LaZorra: ARSCIENCE
ThePhan: Or "arsenic," as it is more commonly known.
ThePhan: Sometimes I use an ancient Mayan word instead of an English one by mistake.
wintermute: Arse-science?
goldfishy: Isn't that a proctologist?
* ThePhan is in a supremely silly mood after her de-idle, apparently.
[RinkChat] The chat room's topic has been changed to 'If the arsenic doesn't kill you, the muffins will.' by LaZorra.
LaZorra: wm: I think I'd rather eat arsenic muffins than proctology muffins.
Sentynel: "Man, your muffins are crap." "Yeah." "..."
ThePhan: I feel like proctology muffins are given to you to eat and distract you during medical exams.
goldfishy: Exam like writing on paper or exam like "I'm going to poke you up the bum now"
ThePhan: I was thinking the latter.
wintermute: Both, simultaniously.
ThePhan: You don't want to be distracted by muffins during the first.
goldfishy: I thought you said you dont want to distract the muffins and I hadn't really considered how traumatic poking a muffin up the bum might be to it
wintermute: Muffin suppositories?
goldfishy: Nono poking the muffin up its own bum

Deliciousness Conspiracy

LaZorra: My coworker apparently had a friend in college who was not entirely right in the head, and decided that the warning to not eat silica gel packets was a ruse by the government to keep citizens from deliciousness.
TalkingDog: wha?
LaZorra: According to her, he hoarded them until he had a pile, and then ate them.
LaZorra: He was quite disappointed.
Sentynel: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG
goldfishy: Why would they give them out if they were delicious? Surely they would just hoard them away?
* goldfishy overthinks the situation
LaZorra: One would think, but I'm not sure logic was this individual's primary concern.
goldfishy: Did they die?
LaZorra: I THINK HE WAS JUST EXTRAORDINARILY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR A WHILE
LaZorra: Er, 'scuse me.
LaZorra: /hulkmodeoff
Sentynel: BECAUSE@HULKBILLINGS WAS SHOUTING IN HIS EAR
LaZorra: HULK SHATTER EARDRUMS
goldfishy: You would be too

Death Row for Bad Boxes

Randy: I moved boxes all day. Woo
goldfishy: That sounds very exciting
Randy: hehe
Randy: It was ok. We are trying to sort stuff so the boxes that are going to be destroyed this year are all together, then next year, and so on
goldfishy: Why are you destroying the boxes?
Randy: They are files from different places, and after we scan them in we destroy the physical files within a certain amount of time so it won't take up all the space we have.
goldfishy: Ah
goldfishy: I was imagining a sort of death row for bad boxes
goldfishy: Ones who didn't hold their contents properly or didn't protect them enough
Randy: I think the companies we get them from set the dates for whatever reason.
goldfishy: And for some horrible reason you make them wait to go to their doom
Randy: LOL
goldfishy: And never once considered the fact that the boxes might have something in them

Getting Jokes

Dave: One time I told a friend of mine that Department of Redundancy Department joke, and he didn't laugh. So hey, not the best joke, oh well.

Dave: Almost a year later he hears the same joke from a teacher and comes and tells it to me. I'm like "Yeah, that's a good one... But didn't I tell you that joke awhile ago?"

Dave: He was like "Oh, it's only funny if you know what 'redundancy' means!"

Dave: ...

ThePhan: Heh.

Goosey: LOL

ThePhan: There was a girl I traveled with who... erm... was not the brightest. So I frequently made jokes or snarky comments that she just didn't get.

Goosey: hahaha

ThePhan: One day I was goofing off with a group of girls at a camp, and she came up to me and said, "Whoa! Hannah! I didn't know you were funny!"

ThePhan: My friend Jessica, whose sense of humor matches mine very closely, responded, "Actually, about 90% of what she says is funny. You just have to know what she's talking about."

ThePhan: ...Which could have offended her if she had understood what Jessica was implying with that.

ThePhan: But she didn't. So it didn't.

Goosey: LOL

Sam: Dave: If you liked that joke BEFORE I knew what it meant, you'll LOVE it now that I do!!

* Sam only figures 80% of what Hannah says is funny.

* Sam suddenly fears what that says about him. 8-o

Goosey: lol

* Sam writes a script to aggregate all of ThePhan's non-funny lines and furiously tries to decipher the humor in half of them.

Goosey: hahaha

Dave: Sam: I don't know about you, but I laugh hysterically every time she says anything.

Sam: Oh no!!!

ThePhan: Well, I certainly wouldn't have guessed 90% either, which may mean I don't get my own jokes.

ThePhan: My humor is too intellectual for me.

* Sam points at ThePhan and laughs.

Dave: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Goosey: LOL

Dave: It's only funny if you understand what "intellectual" means!

Sam: NOW I get it!

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.

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Ticia: Did I tell you guys that Don bought squaw bread the other day and I laughed?

Goosey: LOL

ThePhan: LOL

Dave: I don't get it.

Sam: You have to know what "day" means.

Dave: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Dave: NOW I GET IT

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.

.

* Randy rocks

* goldfishy Spocks

* Maryam locks (and loads)

* Goosey flocks

* Randy Wakka Flokka Flames

* ThePhan mocks. Everyone.

Sam: Phan: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

Dave: HILARIOUS

Dave: Sam: I thought it was funnier than you did, because I understand words.

Devo Hats

ThePhan: I'm watching something while I eat and then having devos.

Kysle: Devos?

ThePhan: Kysle: Short for "devotionals." Bible time.

Kysle: Ah. Like, a time set aside for studying and reflecting on a portion (that changes daily or weekly) of the bible?

ThePhan: Kysle: Something like that. Pretty informal in my case. Jacob and I have been doing them together since we started dating. We just get together, decide what we want to read together, and then discuss it afterwards.

* wintermute always thinks you're talking about the band.

wintermute: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devo

ThePhan: Hehe

wintermute: I can only imagine that you wear these hats while reading the Bible: http://www.clashmusic.com/files/imagecache/big_node_view/files/images/devo.jpg

wintermute: And I will not be convinced otherwise!

goldfishy: That looks like a jelly mould

Kysle: They look like those kind of collapsible cups you bring with you when you go camping.

ThePhan: Someday I will have to acquire them JUST so we can wear them during Bible time.

goldfishy: Would the shape mean that your thoughts and prayers and stuff are funnelled up to God?

ThePhan: goldfishy: LOL LOL

ThePhan: Absolutely.

Sentynel: Phan: YOU HAVE TO DO THAT AND POST IT ON FACEBOOK

Kysle: And if you put a yarmulke on top of it, would it somehow concentrate your thoughts manyfold and be more powerful?

goldfishy: Maybe you should just go for the Tin Man approach

ThePhan: Sent: I will do what I can.

wintermute: Phan: http://www.brandsonsale.com/ca-007664.html?utm_medium=cse&utm_source=google

ThePhan: If others purchase the hats, this is more likely to happen, as I have NO MONEY.

ThePhan: So I guess it all depends on how badly you guys want this to happen. :-P

goldfishy: I say you just go with a funnel

Sentynel: Phan: I sense a Kickstarter project.

wintermute: I would kick in a few bucks ;)

Fire Fightering

Dave: Oh man.

Dave: Man.

Dave: I'm gonig through a bunch of files from an ancient computer. STuff I saved for various reasons.

Dave: I found a term paper someone wrote on my computer my first year of college. This would be 1992. Yes, I'm old.

Dave: This is not my paper, nor does it belong to anybody I know. In fact, as I recall, some random kid came up to me and asked if he could use my computer to type his paper.

Dave: The paper appears to be about fire fighters.

Dave: Except it is titled "Fire Fightering"

Goosey: LOL

Dave: Yes. This was a freshman in college who wrote this.

Goosey: I weep.

Dave: And, very likely, turned in.

goldfishy: Does he sum up with "And in conclusion, I would like to be a fire fighterer when I grow up."?

Goosey: hehehehe

Dave: I don't dare read it.

Dave: Hang on. I'll skim it.

Dave: Oh.

Dave: Dear.

Dave: This is really odd.

Dave: Here's the first paragraph. "Fire fighters have the responsibility of protecting life and property from the hazards of fire. This protection is offered by fighting fires to prevent property damage, by saving lives through rescue from fire, through safety inspections, and safety education to prevent fires. Fire fighters assist in other types of emergencies and disasters in community life. This paper is about a full time career in fire fightering."

Dave: (any types were probably introduced by me, I just quickly transcribed it.)

Dave: (You know, EXCEPT FOR FIRE FIGHTERING)

Goosey: LOL!!

Leen: LOL

Dave: Fire fighterers divide the labor. For instance, a fire fighterer knows before he gets to the fire whether or not his duty is to raise ladders or connect HOES to water hydrants.

Goosey: LOL WHAT

Dave: That's what it says. Hoes.

Sentynel: That's harsh.

ThePhan: LOL

ThePhan: That would probably be important to know before you got to the fire.

ThePhan: Don't want to get there and run around connecting hoes to water hydrants only to find out you weren't supposed to.

goldfishy: Is this some sort of obscure American law? Hoes shall be connected to water hydrants - that'll show 'em

goldfishy: In which case I would have expected it to be a police duty - not a fire fightererer's duty

Dave: Oddly, he spelled hose right later on. When he says some fire fighterers are known by their job duties. Such as HOSE HANDLERS.

iwpg: If a fire hydrant is for supplying water to extinguish a fire, does that mean a water hydrant is for supplying fire to extinguish water?

Dave: HAHAHAHAHA

Dave: This is how the paper ends: "It is very wise for the fire fighter to work near the station, because he will never know when he might be called on duty. This interested me, because I have a bad habit of playing with fire."

Goosey: LOL

-2 Kids

(I came in in the middle of the conversation so I missed who was being discussed.)

Goosey: And the guy is busy, too. He works full time, has 2-4 kids at home (I don't remember).

Dave: TWENTY FOUR KIDS?

Sentynel: Dave: No, no, that's clearly minus two.

Sentynel: Nasty accident.

Goosey: LOL no. Two from the first marriage, two from the second, I can't remember how many are at home with him.

Dave: NEGATIVE TWO KIDS?

Goosey: NO

Goosey: *2 or 4

Dave: Bah.

Dave: That's not nearly as interesting.

Goosey: Yeah. It would be interesting to know somebody who had the ghosts of two kids at home.

goldfishy: That sounds a bit like if The Sixth Sense reversed the main roles

Sentynel: Who you gonna call?

* TalkingDog wonders if a negative kid might be a parent instead.

PHAN HAN AN N NA NAH NAHP AI YI YI

LaZorra has entered.

goldfishy: Hey LaZorra

ThePhan: LAZORORORORORA!

* ThePhan doesn't really know what that greeting was. It just kind of came out.

LaZorra: PHAN HAN AN N NA NAH NAHP

ThePhan: LOL

goldfishy: I imagine it like that sort of yodelling thing the American Indians do in bad movies

LaZorra: AY YI YI

LaZorra has left.

ThePhan: LOL LOL

goldfishy: Well that was short and sweet

ThePhan: I don't know if she's coming back. But if not, it's fantastic that she ran into chat, yelled "PHAN HAN AN N NA NAH NAHP" and "AI YI YI" and ran back out.

ThePhan: That is how I picture LaZorra interactions working in real life too.

goldfishy: I suspect they do

goldfishy: Can you imagine if she was a boss?

ThePhan: LOL

goldfishy: She'd yell random things like that at you, you would have no idea what to do, and then she'd come back with a whip if you weren't doing the right thing

ThePhan: "*runs in* WORK ORK WROK ROK AI YI YI! *runs out*"

Tricking ThePhan

ThePhan: Goosey: I just tried to convince my family that in Hawaii, nobody wears anything but pajamas.

Goosey: Phan: Tell them I said it's quite true that we only wear pajamas, because "pajama" is the Hawaiian word for "clothes"

ThePhan: Goosey: LOL, for real? Because that is awesome.

Goosey: Phan : HAHA I WIN I CANT BELIEVE YOU BELIEVED ME

ThePhan: LOL LOL LOL

ThePhan: YOU HAVE TRICKED ME

Goosey: LOL LOL LOL

ThePhan: I was all ready to share that great tidbit with the family.

Goosey: I DID NOT THINK YOU WOULD BELIEVE ME

ThePhan: LOL

Goosey: Tell them anyway, they're sure to fall for it

* Goosey does a victory dance

ThePhan: That was awesome.

Goosey: You tell story after story about you fooling your siblings (pin your face on every night) I thought for sure you'd see right through me.

ThePhan: LOL

Goosey: I win a million times.

ThePhan: See, that is my secret... I tell them things like this but am actually fairly gullible myself :-)

* Goosey HUGS ThePhan!

* ThePhan HUGS Goosey!

goldfishy: We should change this game from "Phan fools her siblings" to "the whole of RinkChat fools Phan"

Goosey: LOL YES

ThePhan: LOL

ThePhan: NOOOOOOOOO

Goosey: I can make stuff up with the best of them.

ThePhan: I WILL NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU GUYS TELL ME AGAIN

Goosey: Especially abuot things I know more than other people anyway. Like Hawaii.

ThePhan: And, frankly, usually most of the stuff I make up is ridiculous enough that *nobody* would actually believe them. LOL.

ThePhan: Bethany couldn't prove we *didn't* pin her face on at nighttime, but she didn't actually believe it. Heh.

Sentynel: Phan: Did you know, Adolf Hitler decreed that any female character in a film who breaks up a marriage must die before the end?

Goosey: Honestly I thought "pajama" being a Hawaiian word for anything was pretty far fetched

ThePhan: Heh, well, I don't know much about Hawaiian linguistics, so it sounded mildly plausible.

Goosey: sent: LOL

ThePhan: Sent: :-P

Sentynel: Funnily enough, that's completely true.

Goosey: LOL

Sentynel: One of the startling facts we learnt playing the QI board game last night.

ThePhan: I CANNOT WIN

goldfishy: I take everything you lot say with a ton of salt anyway

ThePhan: I will just respond to everything you guys say with, "haha, wow," which could mean either, "Haha, wow, that's a crazy fact," OR, "Haha, wow, I can't believe you thought I'd believe that."

Oscar Predictions

(About the Oscar nominee prediction game.)

* ThePhan is pretty OK with her choices.

* Sam inspects ThePhan's work.

ThePhan: Oh, no, I'm being graded...

Sam: TP: I predict you got 20 of your 33 predictions correct.

* Sam opens up The Academy Awards Predictions Game Predictions Game.

Sentynel: Metapredictions!

* Sentynel predicts Sam gets 28 of his predictions of Phan's 33 predictions correct.

Sam: I predict that my prediction of ThePhan's prediction score will be 2 points off.

* Sentynel predicts that this is getting silly.

* goldfishy predicts 100% of the dead people in the "In Memoriam" tribute will be dead

Sam: goldie: I soooo hope you are wrong about that.

Badgers

goldfishy: Oh hey you guys will appreciate this - I had to take minutes for a meeting a couple of weeks back - it last like 5 hours and typing up the notes takes forever

goldfishy: So when I eventually get them finished I send them to my boss who reads them over and checks they're ok

goldfishy: She told me that she had had hysterical giggles at home reading my minutes because somewhere along the line I had managed to type something about there being concern about similarities between the badgers

ThePhan: LOL

goldfishy: It was a discussion about badges

ThePhan: Mushroom, mushroom!

goldfishy: Mushroom?

Maryam: Snaaake, ahhh, it's a snaaaake

10Kan: It's a badger badger badger badger...

goldfishy: Sometimes I forget that you guys are odd, and then you do this to me

goldfishy: ;-)

Helly People

goldfishy has entered.

goldfishy: Helly people

goldfishy: Wait, what? *Hello

ThePhan: LOL

* ThePhan doesn't want to be a Helly person!

goldfishy: But you could hover!

Santa/Satan Flesh Treats

* 10Kan made Kris Kringles.

goldfishy: What are they?

LaZorra: Treats made from Santa flesh.

goldfishy: I thought as much

Sentynel: I'll take three.

* goldfishy glares at ShinyKan

LaZorra: Mmm, mmm, cannabalism.

Sentynel: Although I originally read that as "Satan flesh", which was a bit more concerning.

goldfishy: Now Satan flesh sounds tasty

goldfishy: I bet it would be all smokey and barbequey tasting

goldfishy: mmmm

goldfishy: succulent

goldfishy: I reckon Santa would taste like cinnamon

goldfishy: What would God taste like?

goldfishy: Jesus would be like sardines on toast

10Kan: Bread & wine.

goldfishy: Because of the whole fishes and loaves thing

goldfishy: Oh who is it that does the eating Jesus in church thing?

goldfishy: Because they got it all wrong

goldfishy: I should tell them

10Kan: Oh, I didn't see you asking what Kris Kringles are until now.

10Kan: They're like Rice Krispie treats, but stuck together with peanut butter and karo syrup instead of marshmallow.

LaZorra: LOL LOL

Sentynel: That's way less interesting.

10Kan: And spread on top with melted chocolate and butterscotch.

LaZorra: I like how 10Kan missed that, and finds it absolutely normal for us to just be here talking about what various people would taste like.

Sentynel: A normal Sunday evening in RinkChat.

goldfishy: Well it is a pretty normal conversation, I don't really know why you're implying it's abnormal

* Goosey comes back to a stranger-than-normal conversation

Talk Quick

* ThePhan realizes Sam and LaZorra are both here and so she says HI GUYS!

* LaZorra HUGS Phan!

* ThePhan HUGS LaZorra!

ThePhan: I am only here for another 15 minutes or so, though, before I go have dinner with Jacob, then rehearsal, then start the 5 1/2 drive home.

ThePhan: SO TALK QUICK EVERYONE

LaZorra: OKAYTODAYWASGREATANDOHEMGEEITISCOLDHEREANDITISRAININGBUTIGOHOMETOMORROWMORNINGATLIKETHREEINTHEMORNINGSOITISASUCKYDAYBUTIGETTOBEHOMEUNTILSATURDAYANDHOWAREYOUWILLYOUBEINMYNECKOFTHEWOODSANDSAYHITOJACOBFORME

Sentynel: Ifyoudrovequickly,youcouldhavemoretimehereandwewouldn'tneedtotalksofast.

Sentynel: HEY

ThePhan: LOL LOL

ThePhan: I love you all.

LaZorra: SENTYNELSTOPPEDFORPUNCTUATIONANDSOIBEATHIM

Ticia: Well,let'ssee,idon'treallyhavemuchtosaybutnowifeelallpressuredtosaysomethingprofoundandreallyreallyfastandit'sreallyhardtotypewithoutusingthespacebarbuglandsgettingeasier.

* goldfishy just has nothing to say

ThePhan: BUGLANDS

LaZorra: BIGLANDS

Ticia: lol

Ticia: Idon'tknowwherethatcamefrom

Ticia: it was supposed to be "but it's getting easier"

LaZorra: Ticia: Plural of a small, unforutantely named bird.

Ticia: unforutantely?

LaZorra: ummm

LaZorra: yes

LaZorra: Ticia: (.)(.)

Ticia: !!

LaZorra: LOL

Ticia: Why are you making boobs at me?

ThePhan: LOL LOL

LaZorra: IT IS THE NAME OF THE BIRD

Sentynel: Just don't say THAT SEABIRD THAT IS LIKE BOOBIES.

wintermute: bu[t it's]

Ticia: Remember my rules!

wintermute: becomes bu[glands].

Ticia: I'm going to have to ground myself if you guys don't stop.

LaZorra: LOL LOL

ThePhan: LOL LOL

ThePhan: Once again:

ThePhan: I love you all.

Drinking Sudoku

goldfishy: Would anyone like their drink topped up with sudoku?

10Kan: Wouldn't it be hard to solve if it get s all wet?

goldfishy: I have no idea

goldfishy: I have no idea how it happened

10Kan: What exactly did happen?

goldfishy: I was getting drinks and asked my mum if she wanted her drink topped up with sudoku

goldfishy: I meant Pepsi

10Kan: LOL

goldfishy: They have NOTHING in common

* 10Kan doesn't think either one tastes very good.

Ninja Theatre

ThePhan has left.

ThePhan has entered.

goldfishy: Gosh, it's Phan! I wasn't expecting to see you!

ThePhan: LOL

ThePhan: That's what I do! I just pop up out of nowhere!

goldfishy: Yes you do!

goldfishy: You're like a ninja theatre performer person

Randy: Sneaky Phan

goldfishy: You just pop up out of like the barrel of apples in the supermarket and start singing at the top of your voice about memories or something

Randy: LOL

ThePhan: LOL

* ThePhan should definitely do that more often.

goldfishy: I like that that sentence implies you have done it in the past, but only once in a while

goldfishy: From now on it's gonna be every other Wednesday between 3 and 4pm!

Pirate Scrabble

goldfishy: How does one end up with 4 R's in their hand in scrabble?

Sentynel: You're playing Pirate Scrabble.

TalkingDog: Is Ninja Scrabble all blank tiles?

Writing to Ann Landers

[RinkChat] The chat room's topic has been changed to 'What would the topic of your letter be if you were to write Ann Landers?' by TopicBot.

goldfishy: Excuse me, Ms. Landers but TopicBot asked me to write to you. So who are you? Yours sincerely, goldfishy

ThePhan: Heh

Maryam: She's an advice columnist.

Nyperold: Advice columnist.

ThePhan: She's an advice colu--- yes.

goldfishy: Ah

ThePhan: What they said.

Ticia: Dear Ann Landers, My friend LaZorra isn't coming into Rinkchat lately.Does she hate me? Yours truely, Ticia"

Sentynel: "This bot keeps telling me what to do. What should I do about it?"

Maryam: "Dear Ann Landers, I have nothing to complain about. Sincerely, Maryam"

Ticia: :-D

ThePhan: Dear Ann Landers, Where on EARTH did I put that DVD case? Sincerely, Phan.

Maryam: LOL

WhizKid: Between!

ThePhan: WK's letter is the worst.

Ticia: I think so.

Maryam: Yeah, I don't think she'd print that one.

1ZX3645X1300420541 Flowers

Randy: Lesson for today: Don't order flowers for your girlfriend when she is going out of town for 3 days.

Goosey: LOL

goldfishy: Well I did kinda wonder but you'd already done it before you told me :-( Did she not get them in time?

Randy: Nope

goldfishy: Awwww

Randy: But someone is at her house and put them in the fridge

goldfishy: Oooh I hope that works!

Randy: it should. heh

Randy: aww, the guy at her house sent her a pic of them, and she sent to me. They look good!

Randy: Hopefully she won't think its because of this 1ZX3645X1300420541

Randy: gah

Randy: http://notalwaysright.com/about-to-be-a-war-of-the-roses/11637

Goosey: O_O

Nyperold: I can multiply 3645 by 1300420541 given enough time, but I don't know about this Z business.

Randy: That was a tracking number

goldfishy: I don't think she will think it was because of 1ZX3645X1300420541 - not many people would think that

Dumbledore Cake

[RinkChat] The chat room's topic has been changed to 'TalkingDog: I had a dream that Bill Gates was taking over Hogwarts, and the only way to stop him was to team up with Voldemort, but I wanted to check that with Dumbledore first, but Bill Gates turned him into a green piece of cake that started insulting people, so I ate some of it.' by TopicBot.

Goosey: LOL

TalkingDog: That was an awesomely random dream.

goldfishy: Ewwww

goldfishy: I would not eat Bill Gates cake

TalkingDog: Also, Voldemort was a ladybug.

TalkingDog: Dumbledore cake.

goldfishy: Oh yeah

goldfishy: Hmm

TalkingDog: Well, I guess Bill Gates made it.

goldfishy: I still wouldn't eat Dumbledore cake - it was probably green because he was so old and it was moldy

TalkingDog: Soylent green is wizards!