The Boy and the Robber

ThePhan: Had an exciting morning!

ThePhan: I got to my practicum at the high school, only to find out they were on lockdown.

ThePhan: So I waited in the main office and then eventually, they were like, "Well, you can probably go home if you want."

ThePhan: I said, "I don't know what the situation is, but, uh, I walked here. So I get someone to drive me back?"

ThePhan: They got all serious and said, "Well, yes, there's an armed robber on the loose, and we don't know if he's in a vehicle or on foot, so I think you'd better see if you can get a ride."

ThePhan: Thankfully The Boy was not in class and was able to come get me.

Grishny: The Boy? Eustace from Scary-Go-Round?

ThePhan: LOL

Grishny: You got a ride with Dark Esther's boyfriend. You better watch out, I hear she's a mean boxer.

ThePhan: No, although that would be interesting. I meant my boyfriend.

* ThePhan started calling him The Boy in chat when they were in that weird phase when they were "talking about stuff," but not actually together.

Grishny: And after you got home did you don your costumes and go out to find and apprehend the armed robber?

ThePhan: LOL LOL

ThePhan: Of course.

Grishny: "To The Boy-Cave, The Boy!"

Pants Wars (Star Pants?)

LaZorra: TD: In honor of May the Fourth, substitute "pants" for a word in a Star Wars quote.

TalkingDog: Hmmmm.

LaZorra: One of my favorites thus far: "I find your lack of pants disturbing."

TalkingDog: That one rules.

LaZorra: Also, "I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants."

* TalkingDog tries an Episode III line. "It's over, Anakin! I have the high pants!"

Goosey: LOL

LaZorra: LOL

* LaZorra imagines those old man pants that come up to one's chest, with a tie tucked in.

LaZorra: And a lightsaber.

.

.

.

Grishny: "That's because droids don't tear people's pants off when they lose."

LaZorra: o.o

* LaZorra loses it.

LaZorra: please please please go post that on my FB status, LOL.

ON HO

(The beginning of this story is missing from my transcript - I started off with something like, "So I came back from class and was going to take a nap...")

LaZorra: TP: I would say, "YAY NAP," but it sounds like you're headed for an "ON HO" instead.

ThePhan: About an hour into my nap, Roomie comes back and starts a movie that was apparently called, "Deceptive Five-Minute Silences Lulling Phan Into a False Sense of Security, and Then Loud Explosions and Screaming That Wake Her up Again."

ThePhan: LZ: ON HO

Goosey: LOL LOL OH NO

LaZorra: TP: AUGH

ThePhan: Every time the loud explosions happened, I would squirm around and whimper because in my mind that was me saying, "TURN IT OFF" without fully waking up.

Sentynel: LaZ: Phan's headed for a what?

ThePhan: But after about an hour of this and getting no sleep, I sat up and logged into chat.

ThePhan: Sent: I don't think she's realized what she typed yet.

Sentynel: Phan: No, me neither.

Goosey: I DID NOT SEE THAT EITHER LOL

LaZorra: WHAT

Goosey: "LaZorra: TP: I would say, "YAY NAP," but it sounds like you're headed for an "ON HO" instead. (18:42:24) "

ThePhan: ON HO

ThePhan: ONWARD HO

* Sentynel is sat here holding a penny up in the air, waiting for LaZ to notice...

Goosey: Laz: Do you see it yet?

LaZorra: Goosey: I see Sentynel holding a penny.

Leen: PENNAH

LaZorra: Is he going to cut it in half?

Goosey: Lemme repost for you again

Goosey: "LaZorra: TP: I would say, "YAY NAP," but it sounds like you're headed for an "ON HO" instead. (18:42:24) "

LaZorra: OH LOL

Goosey: TP even made fun of it already.

* Sentynel drops penny

* ThePhan has also repeated this typo two times. And then made fun of it.

LaZorra: I AM SORRY I WAS FOCUSED ON PHAN'S DESPERATION AND WAS BEING A GOOD FRIEND

Goosey: LOL LOL LOL

Leen: hehe

* Goosey HUGS LAZORRA!

ThePhan: LOL

ThePhan: LZ: I WAS DISTRACTED BY THE FACT YOU THOUGHT THIS STORY WAS HEADING TOWARD ME BEING ON A HO

Goosey: TP: See? She made a hilarious typo to make you feel better!

Leen: I'm lol'ing, Sam is all "what is going on?"

Grishny: Maybe so, but a GREAT friend would have noticed and joined in with the typo hijinks sooner.

Goosey: LOL Sam should come in here where the party obviously is.

LaZorra: YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ON A HO

Vin Diesel

Grishny: I bet she drove really fast.

* Goosey goes to wash honey off her face.

Grishny: Like Vin Diesel.

Maryam: Vin Diesel has honey on his face?

goldfishy: Yeah that's why he drives fast

goldfishy: Has to get home and wash his face asap

Trouble With Percentages

ThePhan: http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/20...b4ca96-0f33-41ce-b2b9-05c26b5edf16.jpg

Sentynel: Wow. Those poor women. Being fired between three and three hundred times a year for being pregnant!

LaZorra: THIRTY THOUSAND PERCENT OF WOMEN ARE FIRED ILLEGALLY

Grishny: YOU ARE NUMBER THIRTY THOUSAND AND ONE PERCENT.

* ThePhan is reminded of a post she found on GAFF once...

ThePhan: The original fan fiction read, "He coordinated the killing of millions of Jews, between 200,000 and 500,000."

Sam: LOL!

ThePhan: The comment was, "200-500 billion Jews? That's many times the population of the Earth. Are the Nazis importing Jews from parallel universes just to kill them?"

Sentynel: I knew those Nazi scientists were up to something.

Dave: So that's what all those secret projects were about.

Dave: It wasn't about creating doomsday weapons to win the war. It was about importing Jews from across the Omniverse in order to KILL THEM!

It Is Grishny

(Since "Goosey" and "Grishny" are sometimes hard to tell apart in chat, Goosey had inserted some random capitalization into her name.)

LaZorra has entered.

GooSeY: LAZORRA

LaZorra: Goo...uh...

* GooSeY HUGS LaZorra!

* LaZorra HUGS the Goosey-like person!

GooSeY: IT IS GRISHNY

GooSeY: S FAULT

LaZorra: IT IS GRISHNY??

Grishny: Stop saying GRISHNY or it will cease to be a word!

Grishny: Then you'll have to call me squaw.

Learning to Embrace Phan

ThePhan: Before I sleep: a church friend posted on Facebook, "We must learn to embrace pain," but I somehow read it as "We must learn to embrace Pan."

Sentynel: I read the misreading as "We must learn to embrace Phan".

ThePhan: I couldn't figure out why one of my Christian friends was advocating worship of the Greek god of shepherds.

ThePhan: Sent: LOL LOL

ThePhan: LEARN TO EMBRACE ME!

* Sentynel HUGS Phan!

Sentynel: How am I doing?

* 10Kan HUGS ThePhan!

goldfishy: I already embraced Phan all the way up there - do I win?

ThePhan: Everyone who hugged me gets an A!

Grishny: I think Sam should pore over all the chat archives ever to see who was the first person ever to /hug ThePhan, and that's who wins.

ThePhan: Grishny: LOL

ThePhan: It'll probably end up being someone who hasn't been in chat for ages.

Sentynel: Alternatively, the person who hugged her the soonest after meeting her. Because they'd be the quickest learner.

goldfishy: Oh yeah that's a good one

ThePhan: Sent: Oh, good point.

goldfishy: mind you - you would have to differentiate between a hug initiated by Phan and one initiated by the person because if they were just responding it's not learnt yet is it?

ThePhan: Right.

Grishny: It'll be like the Oscars; there can be multiple awards for different categories of embracing ThePHan.

Grishny: "And the award for Quickest to /hug ThePhan Without Having Been First /hugged by ThePhan goes to..."

10Kan: If I've asked someone to give Phan a hug, am I up for Best Director?

Grishny: Sure, why not?

goldfishy: Oh and you could have like a booby prize for the person with the least returned hugs

Emergency Pepsi Thongs

Sam: I put an Emergency Pepsi in the freezer. It needs to hurry up and get cold.

Grishny: Why why why is there a thong picture in the Google image search results for "emergency pepsi?"

ThePhan: Uh.

Sam: Sometimes an Emergency Pepsi is just the thong you need.

Goosey: LOL

* ThePhan hopes Emergency Pepsi does not turn into a thong when frozen.

Grishny: And also why do I feel compelled to do a Google image search every time anybody uses any kind of phrase that sounds even remotely entertaining or unusual?

* Grishny struggles successfully against the urge to search the phrase "just the thong you need"

10Kan: Does the thong have a bottle opener sewn in?

Nyperold: Maybe someone typoed "It's the real thing"?

LaZorra has left.

Sam: This talk of thongs offended LaZorra.

10Kan: Come back, LaZorra! We can talk about bras too!

Bluuuuhhhh

* Maryam does dishes bluuuuhhhh

Maryam is away.

Goosey: YAY FOR DOING DISHES!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

Grishny: bluuuuhhh she says. Does that mean she's crying?

ThePhan: Maybe she is washing the dishes in her own tears.

ThePhan: That would be intense.

Sam: Maryam is HARDCORE.

Goosey: LOL

10Kan: Or she was cut off because she's licking them clean?

Goosey: LOL

Maryam: LOL you guys are funny.

Malware

ThePhan: MY COOKIES WENT EVERYWHERE

Grishny: ThePhan is MALWARE?

* Grishny runs Spybot to try to get rid of ThePhan

ThePhan has left.

Grishny: Whew. That was close.

Grishny: ThePhan was seriously impacting my PC's performance.

ThePhan has entered.

Grishny: Yikes! It's persistant!

* ThePhan has rounded up the cookies.

Grishny: Oh, well in that case.

PM Fail

10Kan: Goosey: Twilight's social phenomenon is easily the scariest vampire-related thing ever.

Goosey: Seriously.

10Kan: Immortal monsters preying on humans? Ehh. Humans analogizing this as an ideal relationship? Terrifying.

Sentynel: And as soon as I try and take notes, it's all restraining order this, prosecution that.

Sentynel: Wait, what?

LaZorra: Um...

LaZorra: PM FAIL

Goosey: Huh?

Grishny: The Prime Minister has failed.

LaZorra: gooooordooooon bwoooooown

Dealing With Neighbors

Maryam: Ok, so I need a strategy for dealing with my stupid rude poophead of a neighbor.

Goosey: What is theneighbor doing?

Maryam: Letting their dogs run over into our backyard despite the many times I've asked them not to and complained when they did so.

Grishny: First solution that doesn't involve name-calling: Shoot the dogs.

Grishny: Second solution: Shoot the neighbors.

Grishny: Third solution: fence?

Grishny: Fourth solution: Fencing! (Fence the dogs when they try to come into your yard)

Grishny: Fifth solution: get bigger, meaner dogs that will eat the neighbor's dogs

Ticia's Command

* Ticia HUGS and SQUEEZES and TURN IN A CIRCLE WHILE HOLDING ONTO Mia!

Ticia: Hehe

Grishny: Are you... telling us to do this?

Goosey: LOL LOL

Ticia: *S

* Grishny TURN IN A CIRCLE WHILE HOLDING ONTO Mia. Grishny feels weird doing this.

LOOFAH

LaZorra: Hey folx

Grishny: Oh, "folks". For a second there I thought "why is she saying hey to herself?"

Grishny: Just assumed it was a typo of "fox"

Sentynel: LaZ!

goldfishy: She's a fox?

goldfishy: No wonder she typos

Grishny: That's what "LaZorra" means. "The Fox"

Grishny: Or rather, since it's feminine, "the Vixen"

Grishny: In fact I have this dim recollection that when she first started coming here, she called herself "El Zorro" or "Zorro the Fox" or something like that. Doesn't your nick originate from the Zorro tv show?

LaZorra: Grish: Wow, you have an incredible memory.

LaZorra: I was Zorro_the_Fox.

ThePhan: I just remembered a part of my dream last night.

ThePhan: I met up with LZ in real life but I tried calling her both "LaZorra" and "Heather" and she didn't seem to like either one. She either wouldn't respond, or she'd glare at me.

LaZorra: TP: >:-|

ThePhan: I finally gave a heartfelt speech about how I just wanted to be her friend and if she would just TELL me what she wanted to be called, I could go along with that.

ThePhan: But she just got up and stalked out.

ThePhan: And I was sad.

LaZorra has left.

ThePhan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

radiant: powerword IRL =)

Sentynel: LOL LOL

ThePhan: COME BACK, ZORRO_THE_FOX!

Sentynel: Actually, in real life she expects to be referred to as "Oh Ace One", or a similar honorific.

LaZorra has entered.

LaZorra: Sent speaks truth. You will address me properly.

Grishny: Okay, Michael J.

LaZorra: I don't remember anyone specifically suggesting "LaZorra." But I do remember it confusing people because it was masculine form.

Goosey: LOL

LaZorra: Grish: LOL

* ThePhan bows to the great Oh Ace LaZorra Fox One Heather.

* LaZorra is cracking up at work.

Goosey: LOL LOL

Grishny: That's her pilot call sign.

Grishny: Blows "Starbuck" right out of the sky.

ThePhan: OH WAIT

* ThePhan rearranges it to LaZorra Oh One Fox Ace Heather so it spells out LOOFAH.

LaZorra: LOL LOL

Goosey: LOL LOL

LaZorra: AWESOME

ThePhan: LOL = LaZorra Oh LaZorra

iwpg: LOL LOL LOL

Grishny: That is IT. I am calling her LOOFAH from this day forward.

Grishny: Or maybe "The Loofah."

LaZorra: LOOFAH OF ALL THAT IS HOLY

Prequels

(I did NOT bold all the names in this because that would take FOREVER. Also, this was also all a response to this link I had posted: http://www.cracked.com/blog/14-prequels-even-hollywood-wouldnt-make/ )

* 10Kan is trying to think up titles for Phan's "prequels Hollywood would never make" list.

10Kan: So far, all I have is "The Englishman who Went Up a Hill and Came Down the Other Side" and "The Ordinary Research Findings of NIMH".

10Kan: Star Wars Episode 4.5: Nothing But Moisture Farming

Goosey: What about "Harry Potter and the Cupboard Under the Stairs"

Sentynel: No Country For Middle-Aged Men

10Kan: Brand New Lions

Goosey: Or "Daylight: A Spoiled Brat in Arizona"

Nyperold: Hello all!

10Kan: Goosey: What's that a sequel to?

Goosey: prequel to Twilight.

Sentynel: Some Bloke Loses His Legs And Mopes About It, In Full 3D

Goosey: ??

Sentynel: Avatar

10Kan: The Day The Earth Kept Spinning

Nyperold: You've Got Some Spam

Sentynel: Hm, along the same lines as 10K's, it's Tomorrow

10Kan: LOL

Sentynel: Or indeed July 3rd

10Kan: 29 Days Before 28 Days Later

Nyperold: Day Before the Triffids

Sentynel: Peopleland

10Kan: I, Roomba

Goosey: The Land Before the Land Before Time.

Goosey: 10Kan: LOL!

Sentynel: Similarly, Shaun of the Boring Day Job

Sentynel: 10K: Win

Nyperold: Problem Embryo

Sam: What's Now Happening To Baby Jane?

Nyperold: Along the same lines: Embryo Geniuses

Sam: I Know What You're Going To Do Next Summer

10Kan: Lumps of Coal are a Very Long Time

Goosey: Second to Last Destination

Sentynel: Terrestrial

Sam: Dude, I'm Gonna Buy a Car

Goosey: LOL!

10Kan: LOL

Sentynel: February 1st

10Kan: LOL

Goosey: LOL redsang suggests :The weird, new, ballooning guy of OZ.

Nyperold: Peter Parker Studies For Midterms

10Kan: These are all briliant.

10Kan: *brilliant

10Kan: Tell redsang that's awesome.

Goosey: John Hammond's Flea Circus

Sentynel: The Somewhat Impressives

* 10Kan is adding his to Phan's Facebook post.

Goosey: SEnt: LOL

Sentynel: I Am History

10Kan: LOL

Sentynel: The Penultimate SamuraiNyperold: Mr. Pan Builds His Dream Labyrinth

Sentynel: Losing Nemo

Sentynel: School of Normal Lessons

10Kan: Small Fry

Nyperold: Some Boards of Dr. Caligari

10Kan: Sent: Was that last one a riff on "School of Rock"?

Sam: Close Encounters of the Second Kind

10Kan: Nyp: LOL

10Kan: Sam: or "Seeing Faerie Folk in the Woods"

Sentynel: 10K: Yup.

10Kan: The Sound of Warming Up

Sam: Dr. Strangelove, Or: I Worry Too Much About the Bomb

Sentynel: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Baby

10Kan: The Good, the Bad, and the Acne

Sentynel: U for Upset

10Kan: Ha!

Sentynel: Batman Thinks About Getting Started

10Kan: Or "Bruce Wayne Gets Pummeled Across China".

Sam: Then there's the old standby, "The Madness of King George II"

Sentynel: Alternate School of Rock prequel: School of Classical

Sam: School of Jazz would be awesome.

Sam: Dog Day Morning

Sam: Apollo 12

Sentynel: Middling Gun

Goosey: Slightly Tipsy Master

Nyperold: Ordinary Thursday

10Kan: The Quick and the Not-So-Quick.

10Kan: Sky Captain and the World of Today

Goosey: Ferris Bueler Goes To School

10Kan: Aliens vs. Boredom

Sam: Lone Ruffians of New York

Nyperold: Red October Stays Docked

Sam: Four First Dates and a Retirement Home?

10Kan: Good one.

Sentynel: Sarah Connor Has an Ordinary Few Days

Sentynel: Sam: Love Probably

10Kan: He-Man and the Guys Who Wield Influence Over Only One Planet

Sentynel: Sinbad of the Six Seas

Goosey: LOL

10Kan: Gremlins 0: Responsible Ownership

Goosey: There's a whole slew of movies that could be prequeled by A Bunch of Single People Don't Get Dates

Sentynel: (Alternatively: Sinbad Spends Decades Weightlifting)

Sam: Goosey: LOL

10Kan: Heh, I'm thinking up a lot of these and then saying to myself, "No, that would actually be interesting."

Goosey: The Pevensie Children Live Ordinary Lives

Sentynel: Mark Zuckerberg Doesn't Get Any Ideas

10Kan: Being Craig Schwartz

Sentynel: Home With Family

10Kan: Scott Pilgrim vs. Canada

Goosey: John Smith Sails to the New World

Sentynel: Standing Tiger, Visible Dragon

Goosey: The Baby Mermaid

Nyperold: My Neighbor Hiroto

Sentynel: A Group of Engineers Tinker Around In Their Garage and Don't Achieve Much

10Kan: Nyp: in that vein: "Ordinary Ainu Prince Astuffaka"

TalkingDog: Star Peace.

Goosey: LOL!

Goosey: Howl's Stationary Castle

Nyperold: Recruiting James Ryan

Sentynel: TD: On that note, Star Stroll

Goosey: Random Mutants

* 10Kan shakes his fist. CENSOR!

Sentynel: 2000: A Bunch of Boring Preparations

Goosey: LOL

10Kan: Crazy Scientist With Foolish, Unworkable Ideas

Goosey: The Absentminded Science Scholar

10Kan: It's Probably Just My Imagination About Mary

Sentynel: Planet of the Humans

Goosey: LOL!

Sam: LOL

TalkingDog: Win.

10Kan: LOL

Sam: 1968: A Hippie Odyssey

Goosey: American Piecrust

Goosey: Buffy the Cheerleader

10Kan: Ha!

Nyperold: The Great Train Successful and Uneventful Delivery

Goosey: LOL

Nyperold: A Russian Tail

10Kan: Too Fast, Two Horses: Chariot Drift

TalkingDog: No Dalmations.

Goosey: TD: LOL!

Sentynel: (Last one for now: Law Abiding Sailors of the Caribbean)

Goosey: LOL LOL

10Kan: Just the Right Number of Bridges

Goosey: Willy Wonka Meets the Oompa-Loompas.

Sentynel: 10K: LOL!

TalkingDog: Little Shop of Flowers.

Nyperold: Herschel Layton and the Academic Advisor

Sam: TD: LOL LOL LOL

Goosey: TD: Nice!

Goosey: Pomade

10Kan: The Fords of Madison County

Goosey: Pomade (prequel to Grease and/or Hairspray)

10Kan: Goosey: OH! LOL

Grishny: Did anybody do "Regularman" yet?

Goosey: Peter Parker Goes To Kindergarten

Grishny: No Country for Young Men

Nyperold: Fahrenheit 72

TalkingDog: Baby Frankenstein.

Goosey: LOL

Grishny: The Dark Squire

Goosey: Clean Harry

Grishny: Blade Walker

Sam: The Fifth Sense

TalkingDog: The Fourth Element?

Grishny: The Second Man

10Kan: Sam: He smells dead people?

Goosey: LOL!

Sam: Yeah. What a sicko.

Grishny: Ugh

TalkingDog: Pokemon: The Zeroth Movie. Okay, that doesn't work.

Goosey: U is for Umbrella

Grishny: Just One Indemnity

Sam: hehe

TalkingDog: Bottom Gun.

Grishny: The Man Who Had Too Many Sneaking Suspicions

10Kan: The Eggs

Grishny: The Conenecks

Goosey: ol

Goosey: LOL

Goosey: Good Evening, Vietnam!

10Kan: Kill People With Bill

Goosey: Losers with Minor Superpowers

Sam: The Saga of the Viking Women As They Mind Their Own Business While the Great Sea Serpent Minds Its

10Kan: On Her Majesty's Unemployment Pension

10Kan: Sam: LOL

TalkingDog: Bruce Wayne.

Grishny: One Sat On This Side of the Cuckoo's Nest

10Kan: Four Well-Respected Astronauts

Nyperold: La Terra (rests)

TalkingDog: The Land Before the Land Before Time.

10Kan: Romeo and Those Capulet Scum

Goosey: lol

Goosey: The Air Down Here

Nyperold: Un Chiot Andalou

10Kan: Terrestrial Jam

Grishny: Ground Bud

10Kan: The Incredible Walkies

Goosey: EarthWorld

Nyperold: Life of the Fireflies

Goosey: Robin of Locksley Joins the Crusades

10Kan: Indiana Jones and the Doctoral Thesis

Grishny: Not Yet a Robocop

Goosey: LOL!

10Kan: ...of Doom

10Kan: Honey, I Drove the Kids to School

Goosey: LOL

Nyperold: A Bog-Standard Day Out

Grishny: Ferris Bueller's Day at School

Goosey: 5 Leagues Under The SEa

Goosey: Dr. Jekyll Gets A Lab.

Goosey: Alternatively, Dr. Frankenstein Gets A Lab.

10Kan: Seven Brothers Live In Foul Bachelorhood

Goosey: LOL LOL LOL

* 10Kan wonders if watching "It", "The Thing", "Them", "The Stuff" and "They Live" would be a fun movie marathon.

Goosey: LOL

Grishny: Tuning Up

Grishny: (prequel to The Sound of Music)

Goosey: hehe

Nyperold: Chihiro Moves Away

10Kan: How Stella Lost Her Groove

10Kan: Abby Normal: Life Before the Monster

Nyperold: Green Arbor Day

Goosey: Life on 34th Street

Goosey: Little Girls

10Kan: Obedience on the Bounty

Goosey: LOL

10Kan: The King and Nobody Else

Nyperold: Average Self-Esteem & Open-Mindedness

10Kan: LOL

Goosey: LOL

10Kan: That's more a sequel than a prequel

Nyperold: Yeah, could be.

Grishny: Monsters Small Business

Goosey: hehe

Nyperold: But then, we've also been naming things that are less prequels and more like the first act

10Kan: The Partnership

Theater Scripts

Goosey: GIGANTIC incoming donation of theatre books.

Goosey: Texts, scripts, etc.

ThePhan: THEATRE SCRIPTS YAYYYYYYYY

Sam: YAY RINKIES!

10Kan: YAY SAMUEL

* ThePhan is more enthusiastic about theatre scripts than Sam is about Rinkies. Unless an exclamation point equals seven Y's.

Sam: It's worth about eight Y's.

ThePhan: Ah.

ThePhan: That's fine, then.

Sam: Thanks.

Goosey: Hehehe.

ThePhan: So if I want to say, "Yay yay yay yay," can I just say "A a a a!" ?

Sam: That would be equivalent to saying "A a a aYYYYYYYY".

Sam: Which sounds more like you're revving up for a bungee jump than excited about theater scripts.

ThePhan: Oh.

Goosey: LOL

* ThePhan bungee jumps while reading plays.

Grishny: At first glance I thought it might sound like a Mexican bandito riding around in circles shooting his pistols in the air

Sam: A Mexican bandito excited about theater scripts, maybe.

ThePhan: There are surprisingly few theater scripts about Mexican banditos. Maybe they are just excited to be in one.

Sentynel: They should be satisfied with an appearance in Dr McNinja. Riding raptors.

Grishny: A Mexican bandito excited about theater scripts and about to go bungee jumping?

ThePhan: You should probably not shoot your pistol in the air while you're bungee jumping.

Nuts and Crap

Grishny: Oh nuts and crap.

10Kan: Grishny: Worst health cereal ever.

Fight to the Death

ThePhan: Going through my unranked movies on FlickChart, I got this match-up: The Typewriter, the Rifle & the Movie Camera vs. The Steamroller and the Violin.

ThePhan: That is a lot of items.

LaZorra: That is quite the MacGyverish assortment of items.

Randy: LOL

ThePhan: LaZorra: You have been given a typewriter, a rifle, and a movie camera.

ThePhan: Randy: You have been given a steamroller and a violin.

ThePhan: FIGHT TO THE DEATH

Randy: um...

Grishny: That's not a fair fight.

wintermute: Nice.

* Randy tries hitting people with the violin while playing Mozart on the steamroller

* LaZorra journals the unfairness of the match on her typewriter.

* LaZorra shoots typewriter ribbon out of the rifle and films it.

* Randy nearly gets run over

Allergic to No Donuts

Grishny: Now I feel like I'm about to sneeze. I must be allergic. To meetings.

Grishny: At least to terrible ones.

Grishny: With no donuts.

wintermute: Maybe you are allergic to no doughnuts.

Grishny: That could be. I had a donut with my breakfast this morning, and I didn't sneeze until several hours after I finished eating the donut. Maybe having a donut only lasts for an hour or two and then the symptoms of no donuts come back!

Randy: Donuts are truly magical

Grishny: GET THIS MAN A DONUT, STAT!

* LaZorra whacks Randy with a bearclaw!

Grishny: "Nurse, this is the worst case of no donuts I've seen in years."

LaZorra: BREATHE, DAMN YOU

* LaZorra stuffs a Hostess cupcake up Randy's nose.

LaZorra: COME ON, MAN, DON'T LEAVE US NOW

Grishny: =-O That's no donut!!!

LaZorra: STILL SO YOUNG

Randy: heeeeellllppppp

Maryam: This sounds like an Awesome Hospital storyline.

Grishny: PUMP DONUT INTO LUNg

Randy: X-o

* LaZorra opens Randy's jaw and blows a maple longjohn into it.

Randy: mmmm

LaZorra: TWENTY-FIVE CCS OF JELLY DONUT FILLING

Grishny: "Wait... wait, I think he's coming around."

Randy: (I love chocolate with chocolate filling...hint)

LaZorra: I see that. The jelly donut filling was for me.

Grishny: "Jelly donuts are like giant squishy bugs, and when you bite into them all their guts goosh out the other end."

Grishny: That may be a paraphrase.

Randy: Hey, am I alive yet?

* Grishny takes Randy's vitals

* Grishny presents Randy with his vitals

Grishny: "Boy, this paper here says you're alive, fine and dandy, good as candy."

wintermute: Doesn't he need those to live?

Grishny: And you can take that to the bank!

Grishny: Yes, of course he does. That's why I gave them back to him.